In My Ongoing Effort to Spend Eternity in Hell...

… allow me to state, categorically and for the record, that I can beat up Muhammad Ali.

BILL

Urinately Silly, Bill

I once heard that if you put someone’s hand in warm water when they are asleep, it causes a person to urinate. Not sure if I believed this, I tried it on my college roommate once and, like, within five minutes I had to run to the bathroom.

BILL

Verbose Though I May Be...

… the real reason I never became a lawyer was I simply could not pass the bar without stopping in for a drink.

BILL

The #1 Complaint of Masseuses

Clients who say: “I’m (insert name here) and I approve of this massage.”

BILL

Full Text of Actual Letter I Wrote to the Utah Tourism Bureau:

“Gentlemen - Have you thought of advertising the Bonneville Salt Flats as: Where God makes his margaritas?”

BILL