What's In a Name?

Surprised and heartbroken by the lack of walk-in business, Omar wept the day he closed up shop forever and took down the sign to "The Coroner Bakery."

BILL

Twitter: @BillBekkala

An Open Letter to All Politicians

You know, whenever I see your TV ads end with you strolling down the beach, hand in hand with your spouse, the kids trailing and smiles abounding , I think to myself: “Now there’s someone who’s going to be looking at his watch wondering when he/she can get home to the wife/husband and kids.”

Vote for the unmarried today! They’ll take the time to work on the problems facing our city/county/state/nation. The rest of you? Go home and play with your kids.

BILL

Hey, FOX News' Megyn Kelly!

You forgot to ask Weather Channel founder/climate change skeptic John Coleman if he was a climate scientist. (Oops, he’s not. Just a former weatherman on TV.)*

BILL

*And for the record, if I ever have a wall plaster problem, I won’t consult a climate scientist.

"Hi, Jack!"

I screamed from First Class upon spotting my college roomy at the rear of the plane. Damn air marshal tazed me. Now that was a bad day.

BILL

The Ferguson, Missouri Injustice Continues Re Michael Brown!!!

Who will stand up and say, per the video of this huge young man physically threatening a much smaller shopkeeper after stealing cigars – yes, cigars - right in front of him, that the world is a better place without him.

(sigh) Guess it’s gonna have to be me.

BILL

Twitter: @BillBekkala

One Could Say Compassion Saved Waylon Jennings' Life

In 1959, Buddy Holly hired Jennings to play bass during the “Winter Dance Party Tour.” In Clear Lake, Iowa Holly chartered a plane to fly to the next venue. Jennings gave up his airplane seat to J.P. “The Big Bopper” Richardson, who had the flu. (I should note that the tour bus had previously frozen over and the weather was bitterly cold.) The plane, as we all know, crashed with no survivors, thus born the phrase “the day the music died.”

BILL

PS – The cynic of course could say Waylon Jennings killed the Big Bopper.


Twitter: @BillBekkala

Less is More Arguing

Back in my days of “wedded bliss,” my now ex was amendable to partaking in my minimalist ways, i.e. throwing out one item per day in order to lessen clutter about our tiny hovel. She was, however, less enamored with my idea that we start with her.

BILL

Admit It, Hunters:

It’s not the hunting; it’s the killing part you like. Otherwise you’d be using a paint gun.

BILL

The Sunshine State: Bright As Always

NEWS ITEM: Former Florida Rep. Allen West declared President Obama an Islamist who is intentionally working against the security of the United States. “The only plausible explanation for many actions taken by President Obama and his administration is that they are working counter to the security of the United States of America,” the former Florida congressman and retired U.S. Army lieutenant colonel wrote.

EDITORIAL: There is one other possibility, sir: You're insane.

BILL

SOME Good News Re Ebola

Officials at the Centers for Disease Control have confirmed, per skype sessions with the President, that he is wearing his flag pin.

I can only speak for myself, but I’m breathing a sigh of relief.

BILL

I One Told My Ex, Zelda:

“You’re my northern star: a round, dim orb in a fixed position millions of miles away.”

BILL

My Dad Grew Up On Tunnel Street and Became a Mining Engineer

Sadly, I grew up on Putz Lane.

BILL

Question Re "Latte"-Gate

If – as some say - the President wanted to disrespect soldiers, why did he salute at all?

BILL

"The Day Reagan Was Shot"

Caught this 2001 film recently and, I must say, the President was portrayed as nothing short of heroic. After being shot, he nevertheless refuses a gurney, staggers upright into the hospital, acknowledging those around him, cracking self-deprecating jokes and downplaying the severity of what was, in fact, an extremely dangerously positioned bullet, so much so that the Secret Serviceman who vetoed plans to have Reagan driven to the White House, was told by the ER physician that Reagan would have been dead by then.

The bottom line, however, is this. Seeing how this film was made by Hollywood liberals, I can only assume the aforementioned were all shameless lies and that Reagan did, in fact, set a new gold standard for craven cowardice on that day back in 1981.

BILL

Twitter: @BillBekkala

My Thoughts on ISIS

Seriously, I think every religious person who quite rightly abhors these barbarians should raise his or her hand and say, “You know, I have to take some of the blame for these atrocities as well, for, just like ISIS, I too make a daily practice of seeking wisdom from a book thousands of years old that was cobbled together by women-hating desert-dwellers who believed in sea serpents and thought if someone sailed too far in any one direction they would fall off the edge of the earth. They’re just a little more consistent in their numbskull beliefs and, yes, far more sincere than I.”

BILL

Just Keep Talking, Rush. You're Doing GREAT!

NEWS ITEM: Radio host Rush Limbaugh suggested on Monday that President Barack Obama is refusing to divert flights from Ebola-infected countries and close down America’s borders because he believes that the nation “deserves” to be infected with the virus given its history of perpetuating slavery.

EDITORIAL: Don’t really think we need one, do we?

BILL

Paul Revere Died

The Raiders are pretty much finished, too.

BILL