Song Sung Blues

I once again steel myself for another it’s-all-about-me rendition of the National Anthem before this year’s Super Bowl, the self-absorbed crooner unwittingly eliciting in me a temporary, teeth-gnashing sense of embarrassment for being an American. A little respect, people….

BILL

We have a new gold standard for "It Takes Some Nerve"

“I can’t help thinking that, if I had been elected Vice-President, Bristol and Willow wouldn’t have gotten into that drunken brawl and Track wouldn’t have threatened his girlfriend and whatnot,” Sarah Palin said recently. “Thanks, Obama.”

(This is word for word.)

BILL

Twitter: @BillBekkala

Little Miss Sunshine

The first time I crossed the Mississippi River it was in northern Minnesota, more or less a brook if you will. “Hey, look,” I said to my brother Smedley, who was driving. “Just like the Mississippi River.”

BILL

Offensive Coach

Whenever I see some pro football head coach screaming and pounding his fists in fury at an official over a call that didn’t go his way, all I can think is: “Someone needs a timeout.”

BILL

High and Mighty

The United States has 5% of the world’s population yet consumes 75% of its prescription drugs.*

Welllllllllllllllllllll… all I have to say to that is: USA!! USA!!USA!!!

BILL

*Source: 1/22/16 Los Angeles Times

Money For Nothing and Your Checks For Free

When former model Jerry Hall walks down the aisle to wed FOX billionaire Rupert Murdoch, I hope they play Pink Floyd’s “Money” instead of “Here Comes The Bride.”

BILL



Twitter: @BillBekkala

Good God, the man is like a CHILD!

NEWS ITEM: 'Who the hell wants to woo her?!' Donald Trump renews attacks on Megyn Kelly ahead of Fox News debate.

EDITORIAL: Evidently, hell hath no fury like a real estate mogul scorned.

BILL

If You Can't Sue The Ones You Hate, Hate The One You're With

The wife of one of the San Bernardino terror shooting victims is suing the county for $58 million.

Welllllllllllllllllllllll… all I have to say to that is: USA! USA! USA!

BILL

Carelessness is a Warm Gun

NEWS ITEM: After a masked man hit an employee and robbed a Subway restaurant in Aurora, an armed bystander named Avery Nelson took matters into his own hands. He chased the robber, pulled out a gun and fired warning shots in the air, then additional shots at the subject's getaway car.
Nelson's well-intentions yielded a court summons for reckless endangerment and the firing of a weapon. A police officer explained that witnesses are encouraged to pay attention to details that they can share with law enforcement rather than proceed on their own. The rounds shot in pursuit of this robber could have hurt other bystanders.

EDITORIAL: Yee-haw!!!!!!!

BILL

Here I Am, Stuck in The Middle With Rubes

For somewhat of a clue on how to handle the Oregon militia rubes, check out the film “A Bronx Tale,” where these goons are asked to leave a bar for being… well, goons. After initially promising to behave they act up a second time, upon which the owner and his friends lock the door and say “Now yous can’t leave.” (I won’t plot spoil for what happens next.)

BILL

Twitter: @BillBekkala

Hitting The High Notes

NEWS ITEM: HOOKSETT, N.H. (AP) — Two Republican presidential hopefuls called for a more compassionate discussion around drug addiction Tuesday, with emphasis on substance abuse as a curable disease, not a moral failing. Former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush and technology executive Carly Fiorina have both had deeply personal experiences with addiction. Fiorina's step-daughter died from a drug overdose, while Bush's daughter has struggled with addiction.

(NOT AN ORIGINAL) EDITORIAL: And isn’t this a Republican candidate trait, only “getting it” when it hits them personally? (Prior to that their position being, well… F ‘em.)

BILL

Straw Purchases

I wonder how many people currently stockpiling weapons out of fear of a terrorist attack are the very same people who are against closing the “straw purchase” loophole on gun purchases, wherein a legal buyer makes the buy for someone not entitled to, which is how the San Bernardino shooters obtained their weapons.

And if you are against closing this loophole and are looking for someone to blame re things like San Bernardino, might I suggest a mirror.

BILL

Hey, Everybody! Let's Play Make Believe!!

I love how the Oregon militia rubes dress up in camouflage, pretending to be authentic soldiers. I shouldn’t be too hard on them though. I mean I used to do it. Of course, I was eight at the time.

BILL

Verbal Ammonition

I suppose I’m the only one waiting for Oregon militia rube Ammon Bundy to inadvertently let fly some racist tidbit (like father, Cliven) by saying something like “I want to tell you one more thing I know about the Negro.”

BILL

Maybe Less IS More

Maybe the “less government” crowd has a point. Why don’t we try as a pilot program – pun intended – getting rid of the Federal Aviation Administration and have no regulations whatsoever regarding all domestic and international inbound flights. Just let folks fly in willy-nilly and let freedom RING!!!!

Who’s with me?

BILL

Lefty Drivel

When I was a lad, my mother – who attended Catholic school – told me of her childhood and how “the sisters” would smack kids hard on the hand with a ruler for attempting to write with their left hand, a reasonable punishment, it being of course “the devil’s hand.”

Ah, yes… religion…

BILL