Clueless in London

Well, I finally read the last of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes series and – I must admit – was greatly surprised when, near the end of the final book, Holmes screams at his assistant, Watson: “Good Christ, you’re an idiot!! You are so colossally stupid!! Why?! Why do I hang out with you!!!”

BILL

Scientists and engineers. You know: "alarmists."

“Houston is built on what amounts to a massive flood plain, pitted against the tempestuous Gulf of Mexico and routinely hammered by the biggest rainstorms in the nation. It is a combination of malevolent climate and unforgiving geology, along with a deficit of zoning and land use controls, that scientists and engineers say leaves the nation’s fourth most populated city vulnerable to devastating floods like the one caused this week by Hurricane Harvey.”*

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* Source: 8/29/17 Los Angeles Times

Floody Waters

When President Trump released his proposed budget earlier this year, it included cuts across the board — including hundreds of millions from programs that help Americans cope with disasters like Hurricane Harvey.

(Ladies and gentlemen, the Trump Administration.)

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“To the moon, Alice!”

Last Friday, Bill Maher semi-jokingly stated that the statue outside Manhattan's midtown Port Authority Bus Terminal of the Ralph Kramden character played by Jackie Gleason in “The Honeymooners” should be removed due to Kramden’s frequent threats of violence against his wife by way of clenching his fist and yelling “To the moon, Alice!” The fallacy here is twofold. For one, what made it so funny was that we knew in our hearts Ralph would never lay a hand on Alice. Moreover, we sensed as well that he would pummel to death anyone who would harm a hair on her head.

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Stellllllllllllaaaa!!!

Watching those clips of Trump essentially stalking Hillary during their second debate, I kept thinking how at home he would have looked with a can of beer in one hand while wearing a wife beater and scratching his prodigious belly.

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In Football Terms This is The Ol' Statue of Slavery Play

Hey, who doesn’t love our president coming to the defense of keeping the statues of those who committed treason and who were willing to kill to keep slavery?

(Ladies and gentlemen, the Trump Administration.)

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Borderline Stupid

“Five days after President Trump took office, he signed an executive order that promised a swift crackdown in illegal immigration, immediate construction of a massive border wall, quick hiring of 5,000 new Border Patrol agents and stepped up deportation of illegal immigrants.

Seven months later, construction of the wall has yet to begin, the number of Border Patrol agents has actually dropped by 220, and immigration agents are on track to deport 10,000 fewer people this year than President Obama’s last year in office, the latest figures show.” *

(L&G, TTA.)

* Source: 8/20/2017 Los Angeles Times

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Phraseology

I didn’t coin the phrase “Less is more.” I coined “What the hell are you people talking about!? How can less be MORE? You’re crazy!”

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Chinese Food for Thought

My parents honeymooned in China. I was born nine months later. I am, therefore, literally made in China.

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Dear Mr. President:

George Washington and Thomas Jefferson were not traitors to their country like Robert E. Lee, so, no, we have no intention of tearing down their monuments. Try reading a history book. I’m here to help.

Sincerely,

William P. Bekkala

Great Moments in History

“I saw what happened at Normandy. You had German soldiers peacefully, quietly ensconced in their machine gun nests and, for no good reason – excuse me, excuse me - suddenly out of nowhere there are dozens if not hundreds of these small landing crafts making their way to the beaches. If you looked closely - and obviously none of you did – you would see that every single person, yes, every single person in that invading, yes, invading force was armed. Do you think they were coming by to bring a Bundt cake? I don’t think so. Why do you think they were storming that beach? Excuse me, excuse me - there was one Nazi sitting up there, I heard he was quietly eating an apple. A quite harmless, very nice man. Maybe he was writing a letter home to his parents because there are some very nice people there I’m sure. But suddenly, as Tom Hanks and Tom Sizemore and others start invading this piece of land that these Germans are defending, the Germans are forced to start shooting. What other choice do they have? Excuse me, excuse me.”

(You get the point…)

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Praise From Caesar

The Daily Stormer, a neo-Nazi website, wrote that the “Trump comments were good. He didn’t attack us.”

(L&G, TTA.)

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Doing The Charleston*

In these bitter, contentious days, it’s important to find common ground where and when we can, and I have little doubt all of us know in our heart of hearts that James Alex Fields, Jr., the alleged driver who plowed through a crowd protesting a white nationalist rally in Charlottesville, Virginia, was a Trump voter. (And remember, Trumpettes, you may not be too comfortable with James, but he’s comfortable with you.)

BILL

* That’s a reference to shooter Dylann Roof by the way in case you didn’t catch it.

What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

“When I look at myself in the first grade and I look at myself now, I'm basically the same. The temperament is not that different."

Donald Trump in 2014 (Yes, an actual word-for-word quote.)

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Think You're Worried?

Imagine North Korea, knowing an unhinged bully child with impulse issues and no sense of reality trying desperately hard to paper over his tuck-tail-and-run Vietnam days (See: Heel Spurs, Noisome Ailment of) by playing the “fire and fury” tough guy has the keys to our nukes.

BILL

A Sweet Thought

I believe if you are the only one in your dinner party to order dessert and the waiter brings over four forks, you should be legally allowed to shoot him.

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This is Jaw-Dropping!

Check out the YouTube clip of Vladimir Putin covering The Beatles classic “(I Get By) With a Little Help From My Friends!” It’s – to use a term - amazing! (And Trump is pretty tight on the harmonies, too, if I say so myself.)

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Double Trouble

Early on during the Civil War, Union Generals Ulysses S. Grant and William T. Sherman were derided by the majority of the American press as a drunk and lunatic, respectively. While I’m no military historian, they are probably the two key reasons why I don’t know the words to “Dixie” by heart.

Being both a drunk and a lunatic, I feel my chances for success are double.

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Try This Some Time:

The next time someone asserts that “Family is EVERYTHING,” say: “Really?? Then give me your money.”

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Russian Teddy Bear Program For Adopted Children (PLEASE FORWARD!!!!!)

I am so moved by Donald Trump Jr.’s concern for Russian child adoptions. What a sweetheart. That family is awash in compassion. Why are the media so blind to the warmhearted kindness on his part and instead assuming his meeting with Russians had anything to do with – I’m sorry, I got chocked up there, the subject of adopted children being very close to my heart - I’m sorry. OK, where was I? Oh, yeah, why would they just assume this is about getting his father elected? What is with you, lame stream media? FAKE NEWS! FAKE NEWS! FAKE NEWS!!

(Now can I PLEASE get some love from the Trumpettes?)

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I Never Gamble

Except for the ponies of course.

OK, the dog track now and again.

And the card table.

Roulette, I suppose.

And I play a Bingo card or two at Aunt Esther’s old folks home whenever I visit.

And, technically, every time I shoot up.

BILL