Guess who wants to do away with The Foreign Corrupt Practices Act?

What, you have to ask?

BILL

PS: Going dark for awhile. Maybe longer. Be well.

How I KNOW I'm a Natural Smart Ass - Round Two:

There are occasions when the very first words I say to someone are: “This is not sarcasm when I say…”

BILL

Midwin Charles

Caught this very sharp lady yesterday and, oh, how I love a properly framed argument. She noted how POUTus is constantly denigrating Robert Mueller’s investigation and character. She then asked: If you knew you were innocent would you time and again slam the integrity and professionalism of the one person who could vindicate you?

The question kind of answers itself, doesn’t it?

BILL

This is Worse Than When I Had Heel Spurs

Been a bitch trying to sleep of late. Flo keeps saying I wake up panting and sweating and crying out “Is a mother and child crossing the border?” She of course corrects me with a hard slap and says “It’s ARE a mother and child crossing the border, dumb ass.” Scheduled an appointment with a shrink to talk all this through but I’m not optimistic.

BILL

Two Years In...

… POUTus has yet to visit those war zone troops he claims to care so much about. Perhaps those noisome heel spurs are flaring up again.

BILL

What Comes of Zero Empathy

So despite our intelligence agencies stating with “high confidence” that the Saudi prince ordered the gruesome death of a human rights advocating Washington Post reporter, POUTus lets it slide due to what he deems more important business relationships with Saudi Arabia. Who will be the enterprising reporter who asks: “Mr. President, if your daughter Ivanka, during a visit to the Middle East, was kidnapped, gang raped, tortured and murdered, and our intelligence agencies stated with high confidence that the Saudi prince was behind this grim deed, would your present allegiance to business still adhere and if not, why not? Just curious.”

BILL

Alas, I Grow Old

I’m getting up there in years yet still feel the exact same way I did as a young man: sucker-punched time and again by life and tossed only the most meager rations of acclaim, well-chewed bones that could never mirror the bountiful heaps of praise of which I’ve been so unjustly denied.

(Do I sound bitter?)

BILL

Beware False Equivalencies and Dunderheads Who Wheeled Them

Interior Secretary, Ryan Zinke, blamed California’s “radical environmentalists” for our recent fires. “It’s not time for finger-pointing,” Zinke said. “We know the problem. It’s been years of neglect, and in many cases (FINGER-POINTING ALERT!!) it’s been these radical environmentalists that want nature to take its course.”

He then noted Finland’s “healthy forests” as way of comparison. (Fires scorched forested areas in Lapland, a remote northern province near Finland’s border.) However, rainfall since May near where California’s Camp Fire started was at 0.7inches. The May-November rainfall in Rovaniemi, Lapland’s capital, was 15.76 inches. (That’s 22.5 times more rain!)

Moreover, California’s Santa Ana winds, which dry out vegetation as they whip through canyons and passes, don’t exist in Finland’s relatively flat country.*

(Ladies and gentlemen, the Trump Administration.)

BILL

* Source: 11/20/18 Los Angeles Times

My (True) "Bite" Out of The Big Apple

Having never been to New York City, I was thrilled at the prospect of seeing the Manhattan skyline from high above. Instead I flew into LaGuardia through a thick bank of clouds, landed in an absolute fog, stayed on the plane for half an hour before flying off again to Baltimore/Washington.

I kid you not. It might as well have been Kansas, for all I saw of “New York City” were endless fog-shrouded fields then endless cloud cover.

BILL

Meet The Beagle

My beagle Pugsley was so cute yesterday when I turned on the radio and “Dancing In The Moonlight” was playing, his tail wagging like a maniac. I could almost see the smile on his face. Then “Afternoon Delight” came on next and the little bastard bit me!

BILL

Heavenly Muse Sick

Believers in an everlasting after-life need to familiarize themselves with the concept of “forever.” Let’s see how rapturously ecstatic inhabitants of the Promised Land are upon taking in their 152,433,217th beautiful sunrise.

BILL

Call me crazy but...

… I am convinced that, had electronics existed in days of yore, a significant number of Greek tragedies would have been penned about lost TV remotes.

BILL

Crappiness Is a Warm Gun

In these bitter, contentious days, it’s important to find common ground where we can, and I have little doubt all of us know deep in our heart that Ian David Long, the Thousand Oaks shooter, was a Trump voter. (And remember, Trumpettes, you may not be too comfortable with Ian, but he was comfortable with you.)

BILL

Great Constitutional Thinkers Re The 14th Amendment

“It was always told to me that you needed a constitutional amendment. Guess what? You don’t! You can definitely do it with an act of congress. But now they’re saying I can do it just with an executive order.”

Donald J. Trump
45th President to The United States

(Ladies and gentlemen, the Trump Administration)

BILL

Billy's First Poop

I still fondly recall when I first mastered “going to the bathroom.” “Strain, little Billy,” my mother said as I sat atop my Mister Fees-Ease Bathroom Helper, her encouraging words bolstering my shaky confidence to master going alone. Finally, the joyful release occurred.

“Wow!” I said loudly. “That was neat!”

Mom smiled, handing me my ninth grade biology book.

BILL