Friday, March 16, 2012

Infallible... by Calvin Klein

NEWS ITEM: One of the most important religious figures in the world, Pope Benedict XVI, has now joined the ranks of Sting and Madonna in receiving his own personal fragrance from an internationally recognized perfume designer.

BILL

Thursday, March 15, 2012

My Capital Crime

I’m against capital punishment, except for those instances wherein a media whore reality star has something go amiss in his or her life, at which time he or she requests “privacy at this difficult and trying time.”

I deem a firing squad the only fitting response.

BILL

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

A Word About HBO's "Game Change"

If you’re of the mind that this is a “typical liberal Hollywood attack on conservative Republicans,” you will need to ask why is it that every single other character depicted – all of whom are (presumably) conservative Republicans - come across as intelligent, principled, good, decent and honest? McCain especially. Only former Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin is depicted as… well… otherwise.

BILL

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

My College Daze

My roomy Stosh and I used to play squash all the time. Eventually, however, we grew tired of picking up the seeds.

BILL

Monday, March 12, 2012

Being Fair and Balanced...

All anti-abortion laws should be deemed part of the Big Government Fetal Bailout Program.

BILL

Friday, March 2, 2012

Why I Hate Cooking Shows

Yeah, sure, who wouldn’t enjoy cooking if they had someone else do all that endless chopping of ingredients prior to their actual cooking, their stovetop greeting them with a dozen exactly-measured, food-filled Pyrex containers aligned like soldiers before battle?

The other reason is because I never cook.

BILL

Thursday, March 1, 2012

I Love Irony

“Drug use, some might say, is destroying this country. And we have laws against selling drugs, pushing drugs, using drugs, importing drugs. ... And so if people are violating the law by doing drugs, they ought to be accused and they ought to be convicted and they ought to be sent up.”

(Rush Limbaugh)

And were it not for the American Civil Liberties Union, Rush might well have been sent up.

Look it up…

BILL