Could THIS Have Been What Did In Beach Boy Dennis Wilson?

If I found myself this close to being sucked down into a swirling vortex of water and the only person within arm’s reach of a rope was named Rhonda, I’m fairly certain I could not bring myself to summon her for assistance.

BILL

That's Desert Island! Not DESSERT Island!!!

I’m not saying we as a nation are getting fatter, but if they made “Star Wars” today, the characters would be named Luke Frytaker, Chubacon and Obese-Wants-Cannoli.

BILL

Family of Four, Two of Whom Are Insane

The government defines the poverty line as income of $22,314 a year for a family of four. Bill defines having a family when earning only $22,314 a sign of mental illness.

BILL

My New Lance Armstrong Bracelets Are In!!!

“LieStrong”

BILL

On My Next Visit To My Dermatologist...

… I shall ask Dr. Skinner if perhaps I am prone to excessive perspiration. I mention this because I cannot tell you how many times when women pass by me, I hear trailing off in the distance: “Man, is that guy hot!”

BILL

Granted, I Did Not Attend West Point

But if we’re “winning the war on terror,” how come – to quote others - terror hasn’t surrendered? Moreover, if the mightiest fighting force on the face of the earth, which has I believe the defense budget of the next 13 countries combined (or some crazy number like that) has yet to defeat the enemy after over a decade fighting it, why would I ever expect that “victory” is coming anytime soon?

Just asking…

BILL

In The Wake of My Father's Death

I wanted to convey my heartfelt thanks to all who showed concern during this difficult time. Your cards, your letters, your words of comfort, all of these have made me appreciate the fact that so many of you – some perhaps from the bitter sting of experience - truly understand the pain that accompanies the sad discovery that one’s last remaining parent died with hardly any money at all.

BILL