No Spine Zone

I don’t believe recent reports disputing Bill O’Reilly’s repeated claims to having witnessed firsthand violent events in dangerous, war-torn lands, for Bill O’Reilly dwells in a “No Spin Zone,” where manipulating events to one’s advantage is verboten. Besides, Bill O’Reilly works for Fox News. And Fox News is never wrong.

BILL

I Don't Believe The Racist Frat House Video

Only a fool would believe reports about the University of Oklahoma’s Sigma Alpha Epsilon fraternity’s footage of frat members singing lynching tunes. I believe this footage was, in fact, a special effects concoction created by the “lame-stream” media. I believe this because FOX News says racism is over. And FOX News is never wrong.

BILL

I Don't Believe The Racist Ferguson, Missouri E-Mails

Because FOX News said racism was over and they’re never wrong.

BILL

Hey Everybody, Who Remembers When We DIDN'T Wear Seat Belts?!?

I mean, obviously, aside from those who were killed for not wearing seat belts.

BILL

A Thought That Forever Warms My Heart

When he knew they were coming up to kill him, Osama bin Laden’s heart racing like those trapped in the World Trade Center.

BILL

Great Scott Comedy Writers!

NEWS ITEM: OXON HILL, Md. (AP) — Republican Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker said Thursday that his experience taking on thousands of protesters in his state helped prepare him to take on terrorists across the world.

EDITORIAL: Because we all know there is no difference between union school teachers and folks who put people into cages and set them on fire. (Or behead them if time is short.) Yes, this is the kind of nuanced mind we need in the Oval Office.

BILL

Oscar Snubbed Me

Oscar Wilson. In 1972. At the school picnic. Something about missing pieces from his electric football set. Weasel.

BILL