Think You're Worried?

Imagine North Korea, knowing an unhinged bully child with impulse issues and no sense of reality trying desperately hard to paper over his tuck-tail-and-run Vietnam days (See: Heel Spurs, Noisome Ailment of) by playing the “fire and fury” tough guy has the keys to our nukes.

BILL

A Sweet Thought

I believe if you are the only one in your dinner party to order dessert and the waiter brings over four forks, you should be legally allowed to shoot him.

BILL

This is Jaw-Dropping!

Check out the YouTube clip of Vladimir Putin covering The Beatles classic “(I Get By) With a Little Help From My Friends!” It’s – to use a term - amazing! (And Trump is pretty tight on the harmonies, too, if I say so myself.)

BILL

Double Trouble

Early on during the Civil War, Union Generals Ulysses S. Grant and William T. Sherman were derided by the majority of the American press as a drunk and lunatic, respectively. While I’m no military historian, they are probably the two key reasons why I don’t know the words to “Dixie” by heart.

Being both a drunk and a lunatic, I feel my chances for success are double.

BILL

Try This Some Time:

The next time someone asserts that “Family is EVERYTHING,” say: “Really?? Then give me your money.”

BILL

Russian Teddy Bear Program For Adopted Children (PLEASE FORWARD!!!!!)

I am so moved by Donald Trump Jr.’s concern for Russian child adoptions. What a sweetheart. That family is awash in compassion. Why are the media so blind to the warmhearted kindness on his part and instead assuming his meeting with Russians had anything to do with – I’m sorry, I got chocked up there, the subject of adopted children being very close to my heart - I’m sorry. OK, where was I? Oh, yeah, why would they just assume this is about getting his father elected? What is with you, lame stream media? FAKE NEWS! FAKE NEWS! FAKE NEWS!!

(Now can I PLEASE get some love from the Trumpettes?)

BILL

I Never Gamble

Except for the ponies of course.

OK, the dog track now and again.

And the card table.

Roulette, I suppose.

And I play a Bingo card or two at Aunt Esther’s old folks home whenever I visit.

And, technically, every time I shoot up.

BILL