"I Know The American People Are a Lot Smarter Than That"

Anytime a politician says this I know he’s lying. I know this for several reasons. For one, we’re not. Moreover – hold on, wait – “Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader” is coming on. I’ll get back to you.

BILL

Note To Occupy Movement:

Since you’re now debasing your movement by burning American flags, perhaps you’d be happier occupying another country.

BILL

A Fact, Not an Editorial

During my three decades in Los Angeles, twelve without a car, i.e. covering a lot of pavement via shoes, despite thousands of times being accosted/asked/cajoled for money, I have never once encountered a panhandler of Asian or Hispanic descent. Not once. Ever. Draw your own conclusions. Or not.

BILL

"Robbing Peter to Pay Paul"

This always struck me as odd, in that, once having committed to a felony, you might as well rob both Peter and Paul. (And you could do a lot worse than tossing Mary in there while you’re at it.)

BILL

All The Best Feelings Start With The Letter "S"

Sleeping
Sex
Showering
Shitting
Sneezing
Smacking the hell out of someone when they try to grab your Pop Tart.

BILL

NEWS ITEM: Little Rock, Arkansas

LITTLE ROCK, Ark (Reuters) - A cat belonging to an Arkansas Democratic campaign manager was found dead on Sunday night with the word "Liberal" spray-painted across its side, the campaign manager said.

The cat was a pet of Jake Burris, who manages Democrat Ken Aden's bid for Arkansas' 3rd Congressional District. Aden is running against incumbent Republican Representative Steve Womack.

Burris was returning to his Russellville, Arkansas home with his four children when he found the cat on his doorstep, the Aden campaign said in a press release on Monday. The mixed-breed Siamese cat had one side of its head bashed in to "the point the cat's eyeball was barely hanging from its socket," the release said. Aden told Reuters that the event was "horrible, to say the least."

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(And remember, conservatives, you may not be comfortable with the perpetrator of this act, but he’s comfortable with you… BILL)

"Independence Day"

Caught this 1996 film recently and noticed that after the 15-mile wide hostile UFOs arrive over major U.S. cities, Vivica A. Fox’s character, Jasmine (of course…), nonetheless goes to her job as an exotic dancer. This proves what I have suspected for years: male screenwriters will go to outright absurd lengths to shoehorn a stripper scene into their movies.

BILL