Things You Can Learn Watching The Daily Show:

Georgia has signed into law that you can essentially bring a gun anywhere (churches, restaurants, airports, bars, etc.), everywhere that is accept the state capital building.

Insert your own punch line.

BILL

Twitter: @BillBekkala

Items Able To Be Snuck Into The Gulag

With Obamacare signups now numbering eight million, I think we can all appreciate the slippery slope upon which we are descending, i.e. the inevitable day of our internment within a socialist gulag. This being so, I have compiled a list of household items I believe can be successfully hidden up one’s rectum without fence-line guard discovery come the arrival of that dreaded day:

Matches
Thimbles
Rings (no diamonds please)
Binder Clips
Crayons
Small compasses
White Out
Jimmy Dean sausage

I am pleased to report that I personally succeeded in lodging each of the above for a 24-hour duration with little or no discomfort or trouble in passing. (Not all at once of course. Heh-heh…)

Just trying to help.

BILL (On vacation till 5/12/14...)

Twitter: @BillBekkala

Exchange I'd like to see in a movie:

GAL: That was sarcasm, right?

GUY: No, that was sarcasm light.

GAL: OK, now that was definitely sarcasm, right?

GUY: Yes. That was most definitely sarcasm.

BILL

Twitter: @BillBekkala

Proper Texting Etiquette

When out socializing with friends, should you find yourself being interrupted by a friend giving voice to some banal thought while you are texting another friend, you should immediately inform them to, well… “shut the f*** up,” a message best delivered via text of course.

BILL

Twitter: @BillBekkala

Race To The Bottom

Despite allllllllllllll those folks claiming racism is no longer a viable concern in today’s America, FOX News realized soon enough that a sizable share of its own audience was sufficiently racist – evidenced by the frequent shamelessly racist comments posted - that it shut down its own comment section!

Like they say in the ads: “Priceless…”

BILL

Twitter: @BillBekkala

Heaven Is For Reel

(Per Wikipedia) “In the book, Christian pastor Todd Burpo writes that during the months after his emergency surgery in 2003, his son Colton began describing events and people that seemed impossible for him to have seen or met. Examples include his miscarried sister, whom no one had told him about, and his great grandfather who died 30 years before Colton was born. Colton also claimed that he personally met Jesus riding a rainbow-colored horse and sat in Jesus' lap, while the angels sang songs to him. He also says he saw Mary kneeling before the throne of God and at other times standing beside Jesus.”



-.-.-.-.

OK, let’s say, for the sake of argument, all of this is true. How does young Colton know that the woman he saw is Mary and might not be Mary’s neighbor, Gladys? “Oh, Bill! Don’t be silly!” OK, then, try this: go up separately to six deeply religious Christians and ask them to provide you an exact physical description of Mary. If I’m placing bets, I’ll bet none of the six will match. Which of course brings us back to Gladys….

BILL

Twitter: @BillBekkala

Stiffing Me Powers

When I fell asleep with the TV on the other night “The Avengers” was on, specifically a scene with Scarlett Johansson, which I guess explains why I awakened with the series “Hart to Hart” on.

BILL