Hot Hell California

Yes, as California continues to burn to the ground, just remember, folks, increasing and more severe wildfires are a predicted (albeit non-existent – WHEW!!) symptom of a hoax perpetrated upon us by the Chinese. At least that what I heard once from a Manhattan real estate developer.

BILL

Robbin' Hood

Despite having both a Republican House and Senate, the “great negotiator” has attained only one significant piece of legislation in a year and a half: a mega-tax cut for the rich.

(Ladies and gentlemen, the Trump Administration.)

BILL

Oh, c'mon, Rudy!

Two months ago, you, Rudy Giuliani, a former federal prosecutor, described former Trump attorney Michael Cohen as “an honorable honest attorney.” Now that it appears he is about to turn on his former client, you say Cohen can’t be trusted because he is a “pathological liar.” To quote James Mason in The Verdict: “Which is the lie?”

BILL

I fired my publicist.

If you were unaware I even had a publicist, well then this just proves I was correct in firing her.

BILL

Edge of Seventeen Years

What?! We ain’t hogtied Terror yet? And after 17 years!? What in tarnation is going on?! That sumbitch Terror is one wily rascal, let me tell you. As for me though? Why, I’ve roped and tied many a so-called “intangible concept” in my day.

BILL

I decided long ago never to walk in anyone's shadow.

Except on really, really hot days.

BILL

Lady Die

Many people still wonder how Princess Diana could have been killed two decades back, the “Her-driver-doing-85-miles-per-hour-in-a-tunnel” theory proving ever elusive.

BILL