“Quiet as a Church Mouse"

As a former altar boy, I am roundly familiar with said beasts and can assure you that, diminutive though they may be, church mice are a most sordid lot. Devoid of comely manners and unchaste in their wanton lust for all things cheese, they are prone to both excessive libation and the hurling of vulgarities one would only expect to hear in slurred tongues from the upper windows of the most lowly frat house late on a Saturday night.

BILL