While I assure you I am not remotely the type, I’m nonetheless still quite certain that Wilford Brimley could actually talk me into taking my own life. Don’t believe me?
“Now listen up fella, ‘cause I got something that works when it’s supposed to work and never fails. That’s right, never fails. Let me ask you straight out. Are you troubled by life’s inequities? Foiled by the fickle whims of fate? Does it bother you when those less talented than yourself reap life’s rewards while you go lacking? Do neighbors take advantage of your kindnesses both small and large? Well, have you considered suicide? That’s right; I’m talking about ending it all. Wave goodbye to life’s unending sorrows and greet the sunshine of a lifeless new tomorrow. Take it from me, Wilford Brimley, it’s the thing to do."
BILL
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