The meeting commenced following the pledge of allegiance to the former Soviet Union. A motion was made to reinsert "Allah Akhbar" into the pledge. As not deemed vital to the cause, the motion was tabled pending further review.
Comrade Palin provided a post-mortem analysis on her failed attempt at destroying the Republican Party from the inside. Using a whiteboard to chart out relevant parallels from both Newtonian physics and mathematical algorithms to help clarify her remarks, she expressed regret over the unanticipated consequences arising from intentionally coming off as a rube, citing such things as field dressing moose, shooting wolves from helicopters, making up words like "refudiate," emphasizing her hockey mom leanings and printing words on the palm of her hand prior to giving speeches as having only rendered her more charming in the eyes of the Tea Party contingent, endearing her to them. Ms. Palin was again reprimanded by the Council of Overseers for nearly exposing her true socio-political persuasion by her offhand but overly neighborly comment during the summer of 2008 regarding Alaska's proximity to Russia.
Comrade McChrystal provided a recap of his attempt to eviscerate American military chances for victory in both Iraq and Afghanistan by inciting his own forced resignation, resulting in the overstretching of General David Petraeus's capacity to handle wars on two separate fronts. "It was my easiest mission ever," he explained. "A few flippant remarks and I was history." The group gave him a hearty round of applause for his efforts and awarded him with a gold set of sickle and hammer cufflinks.
A high level status of Operation Flagpin was given. While acknowledging the flagpin controversy has waned of late, Access Czar Emanuel gave personal assurances that the Supreme Leader will permanently banish the flagpin from his apparel, forcing this hot-button issue to the forefront, thus allowing the cause's more important priorities to fly in beneath the radar of Fox News.
While the plan to seize all guns nationwide continues apace, Minister of Weaponry Ayers noted that the Supreme Leader's unbroken silence on the topic of guns since the inauguration has unfortunately incited heartland rumblings of "It's quiet out there. Too quiet." More study was called for.
The Minister of Documents announced that the forged birth certificate ruse continues to be a rousing success, augmented by the nationwide manipulation of all microfilmed Hawaiian newspapers announcing the proud birth of the future Supreme Leader in Honolulu, thus maintaining the secrecy of his actual foreign birth. A recitation of the logistics of the operation was offered before being deemed far too complex in its elaborate time-traveling and violation-of-laws-of-physics nature to be understood by mere mortals. The operations team was nonetheless congratulated for an exemplary effort.
In a similar vein, Comrade Gates submitted a post implementation review of Codename: Anointed One, the top-secret mission to implant retroactive holograph images of the Supreme Leader in Christian churches throughout the country over the last two decades, duly camouflaging his Islamic religious beliefs. An attempt to provide a detailed explanation as to how this was accomplished left committee members in a dazed state of confusion and was therefore vetoed in favor of a bullet point summary available for review at a later time. Nonetheless, a commendation was awarded to Comrade Gates, along with a six-pack of beer as an inside joke, inciting laughter all around.
The meeting adjourned at 5:14 (Moscow time) following an enthusiastic rendition of The Internationale. Pie and vodka were served.
BILL
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