A Hold Message I Would Like To Hear

Your call is important to us. Please stay on the line. (Jazzy hold music rises in volume, then lowers.)

We appreciate your patience. Please continue holding. (Jazzy hold music rises in volume, then lowers.)

We look forward to speaking with you. If you’ll just stay on the line a few more moments. (Jazzy hold music rises in volume, then lowers.)

This delay seems longer than even we expected. Thank you for your patience. (Jazzy hold music rises in volume, then lowers.)

Wow! You are one patient person! Congratulations! Your wait should not be much longer. (Jazzy hold music rises in volume, then lowers.)

OK, clearly, we don’t have our act together and there is something amiss in our procedure. Still, here you are. We’re so glad. (Jazzy hold music rises in volume, then lowers.)

Your patience is akin to that of a saint! And we appreciate that, because clearly we are incompetent. (Jazzy hold music rises in volume, then lowers.)

Have you ruled out that we’re just messing with your head by now? Seriously, I’d give it some thought if I were you. (Jazzy hold music rises in volume, then lowers.)

Clearly, you don’t have much to do if you’re waiting this long to talk to someone. Apparently, your time isn’t that valuable after all. And therefore, why should we value it? Goodbye. (Call disconnects.)

BILL