"What are you waiting for?!"

Whenever a TV pitch announcer asks this I get real paranoid. You know, like: “How the hell does he know I’m just sitting here with the remote in my hand?”

BILL

Berned

This one goes out to all those ladies who simply lovvvvvvvvvvvvved Bernie and didn’t vote for Hillary because, well, “I just don’t like her.” Perhaps you’ll find a hanger more to your liking.

BILL

All Work and No Play Makes Bob a Dull Boy

Evidently Mrs. Mueller has not been happy with the amount of time her husband, Robert Mueller, is spending at the office investigating Donald Trump. In short, she misses “the Mueller probe.”

BILL

Bad Words Matter

Trump using the word “infestation” with regards to illegal immigrants rubs elbows with the Third Reich’s use of the word “vermin.”

(Ladies and gentlemen, the Trump Administration.)

BILL

Kaiser Role Models

How about that Trump? Separating children from their parents like the Nazis did while deeming the press “the enemy of the people” like Stalin did. Such stellar role models.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Trump Administration.

BILL

Not Sharpie

Have you noticed how, whenever Trump signs a document, he uses a fat black marker then holds the paper up like a proud six-year-old so everyone can see his name, after all, it’s all about him? (If that sounds unfair, recall that he himself said in 2015: “When I look at myself in the first grade and I look at myself now, I’m basically the same. The temperament is not that different." So what say we hand him the keys to the nukes. What could possible go wrong?)

BILL

You’re invited to a party!!!

My expecting wife & I are holding a "Tender Age" shower!!

Ten years ago I wrote an essay on six reasons why torture is wrong. Here was one reason:

If you have to rename it in order to clean it up a bit, it's wrong. Don't believe me? Try these on for size. "Genocide." Good gosh, it even sounds nasty. What say we use "ethnic cleansing" instead? After all "ethnic" is good, right? Think "multicultural." Better yet "cuisine." And "cleansing?" Who but a slob would object? So "ethnic cleansing" it is!

I'm certain "forced prostitution" conjured up all things sordid in the minds of the Japanese military during World War II. "Let's call them 'comfort women' instead" was their likely reply. Ahhhhh, "comfort." Isn't that so much nicer? Cozy, in fact.

Let's try "final solution" shall we, in honor of the Nazis? "Solutions" are always great, are they not? And a "final" one? Even better! No more being mired in "What to do? What to do?"

(And so, my friends, we now arrive at the Trump Administration’s “tender age” euphemism used for the jailing of children and babies.)

BILL

Trump spokesperson Sarah Huckabee Sanders stated:

“It is very biblical to enforce the law.” Thank you, Sarah, for your time-traveling defense of the fully legal (at the time) Holocaust.

(Ladies and gentlemen, the Trump Administration.)

BILL

Good Times Never Seemed So Good

I’m unfailingly happy every time I hear Neil Diamond’s “Sweet Caroline” up until the moment I realize my name is not Caroline.

BILL

Captain Clueless Strikes Again

“After 16 months, leaders of long-standing allies - all initially deferential to Trump and his famous ego – have grown frustrated and at times disapproving. Across 134 countries, the median approval of U.S. leadership dropped 18 points in Trump’s first year, to a record low of 30%. That was before Trump’s decision to withdraw from the Iran nuclear deal and impose tariffs on a number of allies, which further alienated many of them.”*

Or as Trump said at the Naval Academy last week: “We are respected again; I can tell you that. We are respected again.”

* Source: 6/8/18 Los Angeles Times

BILL

Lieving in Oblievion

Last week Trump bragged to the White House press corps re the details of the letter handed to him by a rep from North Korea. A few minutes later he admitted he had not yet read the letter.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Trump Administration.

BILL

The Lunatic Has Taken Over The Asylum

Kim Jong-un is a sadistic tyrant who starves his own people, crushes any and all political dissent by imprisoning and torturing thousands upon thousands who dare speak out against him, denies his citizens freedoms of speech, press, assembly, association, religion and movement, along with denying them the ability to choose their government.

Or as Trump, who considered it a “great honor” to meet the North Korean dictator, labels him: “Very talented” and “very honorable.”

This, of course, leads to the question: Who wouldn’t he be honored to meet?

Ladies and gentlemen, the Trum—ah, screw that. What a piece of shit.

BILL

Burning Down The House

During a May 25 phone call with Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, Donald Trump referenced the War of 1812, and accused the U.S. neighbor and ally of having once burned down the White House.

It was the British who did this. Moreover, Canada wasn’t even a country then.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Trump Administration.

BILL

Malice in Wonderland

Alienating decades-long allies while warming up to Russia and North Korea.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Trump Administration.

(And, by the way, I’d give my left one to have Kim Jong-un look Trump in the eye and say: “Tell you what, babe: You get rid of yours and we’ll get rid of ours.”

BILL

PS: Nice job, Trumpettes!

The BAND the Eagles Had More Members!

Only two – that’s right, two – members or officials of the Super Bowl champion Philadelphia Eagles wanted to go to the White House, leading Trump to state that they disagree with him about standing for the National Anthem. (You know, the song Trump doesn’t know the words to?) In actuality, none of the Eagles players knelt during the National Anthem last year.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Trump Administration.

BILL

If you're marching but not VOTING...

…. News Alert: You might as well stop marching. It’s not going to do any good.

BILL

Offense With No Defense

One of the people Trump pardoned for “having been treated very unfairly” - Dinesh D’Souza – not only pleaded guilty to the charges, but his attorney stated: “We have no defense, Your Honor.”

(Ladies and gentlemen, the Trump Administration.)

BILL

Keeping Up With The Kardashians: White House Connection

How can one’s eyes not roll when Trump claims to not have time to meet Robert Mueller to discuss Russian interference in the 2016 election, you know, our democracy, but does have time for Kim Kardashian, with whom he met last Wednesday?

Ladies and gentlemen, the Trump Administration.

BILL

Call me crazy, but...

… I think the president killed Melania, buried her in the backyard (thus the recent… ahem… “sinkhole” on the White House lawn), coopted her Twitter account to send messages and make her appear alive, and has promulgated the notion that he can pardon himself for the inevitable murder charges certain to follow.

Maybe it’s me.

BILL