(WASHINGTON – Associated Press) Little Donnie Trump was blissfully engaged in a game of marbles in his backyard sandbox when word was received that he would be able to have a front row seat at the very United States military parade for which he had longed.
“When I came out to the yard and told him the news he was absolutely ecstatic,” said Mary Anne Trump, the six-year-old’s mother, to a visiting reporter. “He was jumping up and down and spinning the propeller on his beanie cap and everything. He almost wet himself.”
“It’s gonna have Army men and jeeps and trucks and flags and bands and guns and rifles and big, huge, super gigantic rockets that go Ba-ZOOM!!!” Donnie said, spearing one arm high into the air. “But Daddy told me no tanks, which I think is VERY UNFAIR! He told me it has something to do with the roads and stuff but I don’t know…” he said, his voice trailing off.
When asked by a reporter why a military parade is necessary in these money tight times, Donnie lifted both his arms and flexed his biceps. “Because we’re STRONG and if you make us mad and stuff we’re gonna STOMP YOU INTO THE GROUND!!” And with that, the child Trump began to walk around his parents three acre yard, lifting his knees high before plunging the soles of his white sneakers into imaginary adversaries, all the while making miniature explosion noises with his mouth, spittle flying, with every destructive stomp of his feet.
“Rockets go BA-ZOOM!!” he again exclaimed. He then suddenly lowered his voice and confided in this reporter. “All the other kids at school and stuff? And people who don’t like me said my parade was a stupid idea. You know, like dumb and stuff. Like that bad girl Omarosa and my used-to-be-friend Mikey. They used to play with me and we’d have fun playing White House but I don’t like them anymore and they can’t play with me anymore because they told stuff on me. And another thing? Another thing.” His voice grew to a whisper. “That Omarosa girl, you know what? You know what? She’s just a DOG!!!” Donnie exclaimed, his voice rising to a triumphant scream on the final word of his sentence. A DOG!!!”
The parade, formally authorized as part of the John S. McCain National Defense Authorization Act for Fiscal Year 2019 is scheduled for November 10 of this year.
Donnie says it was his idea for the parade. “I and I alone came up with the idea.” My Mommy and Daddy took me to a place called France you know – where they make French toast and French fries and French kissing and stuff – and they had a parade there called the Best Eel Parade – an eel is like a fish but more wigglier - and they had all sorts of COOL STUFF!! And I said I want a parade, too! Give me a parade! And now I’m gonna have one. With rockets, too! Because rockets go BA-ZOOM!!!”
BILL
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