I'm gellin' Are you gellin'?

I wonder what those who settled the American West or fought Hitler would think of a generation that actually uses gel-filled keyboard wrist rests.

(Speaking of which, my cats are doing fine….)

BILL

"Facts Are Stubborn Things" - John Adams

I sing and dance better than Michael Jackson.

BILL

I coined the word "Duh!"

For decades, people were always saying this to me in response to my questions and one day I thought: “Hey! That would be a cool saying to use!”

(I’m a pretty sharp guy…)

BILL

“Quiet as a Church Mouse"

As a former altar boy, I am roundly familiar with said beasts and can assure you that, diminutive though they may be, church mice are a most sordid lot. Devoid of comely manners and unchaste in their wanton lust for all things cheese, they are prone to both excessive libation and the hurling of vulgarities one would only expect to hear in slurred tongues from the upper windows of the most lowly frat house late on a Saturday night.

BILL

My Fourth of July Memory

Don’t ask me how but somehow I got invited to a bigwig Fourth of July barbeque up in the Hollywood Hills. (Friend of a friend; what can I say?).

Anyway, being the good guest, I offer to man the grill and soon I’m the master chef it seems, spatula in hand, my baggy apron flapping in the mild breeze.

I hear a low feminine voice behind me. “You have got a smokin’ body.”

I turn and – sure enough – Angelina Jolie is staring at me, cryptic smile adorning that gorgeous face.

“Well thanks, beautiful,” I say, oozing debonair. “You’re not so bad yourself.”

“No,” she says, the smile now edging toward mockery. “What I mean is: you’re on fire.”

BILL

A Wise Man Once Said:

“The secret to happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have.”

Unfortunately, I have a migraine….

BILL