My Noble Thought

The mere suggestion that Donald J. Trump is worthy of a Nobel Peace Prize is akin to bestowing the same award to Charles Manson for allowing his victims to rest in peace. Too much? Then in light of the fact that Cadet Heel Spurs (as one aptly named him) threatened to annihilate millions of North Koreans – hardly a “peaceful” gesture – in future years we should consider granting similar accolades to a three year old who picks up a loaded Uzi, empties it of every bullet, miraculously killing no one save for the loan victim across the street who is later discovered to be a rabidly successful pedophile.

BILL

FOX and Friend

I think my favorite part of yesterday’s 31 minute tantrum was the way the three hosts shifted uncomfortably in their seats while repeatedly trying to bring an end to the child’s blabbering tirade.

(Ladies and gentlemen, the Trump Administration.)

BILL

A Good Crying Jag Now and Again Is Good For The Soul

I find sports bars to be the perfect setting for such occasions.

BILL

“Your eyes are kind,” she said.

“Thank you,” I replied.

“You didn’t let me finish,” she said, her tone now abrupt and chilly. “I meant your eyes are kind of creepy.”

BILL

No Waffling on This Issue

In these bitter, contentious days, it’s important to find common ground where we can, and I have little doubt all of us know deep in our heart that Travis Reinking, the alleged Nashville Waffle House shooter was a Trump voter. (And remember, Trumpettes, you may not be too comfortable with young Travis, but he’s comfortable with you.)

BILL

I very much hope my dying words are: "Thank you."

Unless of course someone just shot me.

BILL

A True (And Truly) Banal Anecdote

I once bought only a 24 oz. Pabst Blue Ribbon and a banana at the grocery store. The person behind me looked down and chuckled. I said: “What can I say? My chimpanzee has a drinking problem.”

BILL

National Lampoontang

When I hear Trump re Stormy Daniels I think of Chevy Chase explaining to his son why he jumped naked into the pool with Christie Brinkley in 1983’s “Vacation,” and young Rusty saying “Sure, Dad, I get it. You think Mom (Melania) will buy it?”

BILL

Trump to Russia:

“Don’t worry about Nikki Haley and her tough sanctions. I’ve revoked them because I’ve got your back. Who's your bitch? Let’s make Russia great again! Nostrovia!”

BILL

Urine Big Trouble, Mr. President

And who among us was not amused by Trump saying to Comey that he would never cavort with peeing prostitutes “because I’m a germaphobe?” Not because “I love, respect and cherish my wife and would never desecrate our holy bond of matrimony by engaging in such sordid behavior.” Nope. Not the Trumpster. “Because I’m a germaphobe.”

Ladies and gentlemen, the Trump Administration.

BILL

Syriaously?!?

Our president deems his recent bombing of Syria as “Mission Accomplished,” as opposed to how he labeled his non-service in Vietnam due to those noisome heel spurs, which of course was: “Mission Avoided.”

BILL

A Woman in Texas – Where Else? – Got Five Years for Voter Fraud

Somewhere a rapist is laughing.

BILL

(Indianapolis, Indiana----April 4, 1968)

(Can’t help but compare this eloquent, impromptu speech by Robert F. Kennedy 50 years ago today with the verbal ineptitude of the one man clown car currently infesting the White House. Two months later RFK would be assassinated himself. It should be noted that riots ensued in over a hundred American cities following King’s death. But not in Indianapolis.)



I have bad news for you, for all of our fellow citizens, and people who love peace all over the world, and that is that Martin Luther King was shot and killed tonight.

Martin Luther King dedicated his life to love and to justice for his fellow human beings, and he died because of that effort.

In this difficult day, in this difficult time for the United States, it is perhaps well to ask what kind of a nation we are and what direction we want to move in. For those of you who are black -- considering the evidence their evidently is that there were white people who were responsible -- you can be filled with bitterness, with hatred, and a desire for revenge. We can move in that direction as a country, in great polarization -- black people amongst black, white people amongst white, filled with hatred toward one another.

Or we can make an effort, as Martin Luther King did, to understand and to comprehend, and to replace that violence, that stain of bloodshed that has spread across our land, with an effort to understand with compassion and love.

For those of you who are black and are tempted to be filled with hatred and distrust at the injustice of such an act, against all white people, I can only say that I feel in my own heart the same kind of feeling. I had a member of my family killed, but he was killed by a white man. But we have to make an effort in the United States, we have to make an effort to understand, to go beyond these rather difficult times.

My favorite poet was Aeschylus. He wrote: "In our sleep, pain which cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart until, in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom through the awful grace of God."

What we need in the United States is not division; what we need in the United States is not hatred; what we need in the United States is not violence or lawlessness; but love and wisdom, and compassion toward one another, and a feeling of justice toward those who still suffer within our country, whether they be white or they be black.

So I shall ask you tonight to return home, to say a prayer for the family of Martin Luther King, that's true, but more importantly to say a prayer for our own country, which all of us love -- a prayer for understanding and that compassion of which I spoke.

We can do well in this country. We will have difficult times; we've had difficult times in the past; we will have difficult times in the future. It is not the end of violence; it is not the end of lawlessness; it is not the end of disorder.

But the vast majority of white people and the vast majority of black people in this country want to live together, want to improve the quality of our life, and want justice for all human beings who abide in our land.

Let us dedicate to ourselves to what the Greeks wrote so many years ago: to tame the savageness of man and make gentle the life of this world.

Let us dedicate ourselves to that, and say a prayer for our country and for our people.

"I don't know what they are, community colleges."

Ladies and gentlemen, the Trump Administration.

BILL

Yesterday was the laziest day of my life

I believe I took four naps then turned in about 7pm.

BILL