PocaBonus

In addition to using the term “Pocahontas” in a truly uncalled for slam at a sitting U.S. Senator during a ceremony to honor WW II Navajo code-talkers, Trump’s ineptitude also included the ceremony taking place directly in front of a portrait of American Indian killer (or “American killer” if you will) Andrew Jackson.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Trump Administration.

BILL

More Foxes Guarding The Hen House

Donald Trump has chosen Mick Mulvaney to head the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, whose very existence Mulvaney wants to end and which he has labeled “a sick, sad joke.”

(Ladies and gentlemen, the Trump Administration.)

BILL

"They call her Pocahontas,”

... the dimwit said in the presence of American Indian WW II honorees. Ladies and gentlemen, the Trump Administration. Doesn’t matter though. The rubes still love him. Which is why I call them rubes.

BILL

I Once Beat Prince In An Arm Wrestle.

OK, that was a lie, meaning both Donald Trump and I are liars.

(The preceding has been an example of a false equivalency. I’m here to help.)

BILL

Joke Was on Me I Guess

So there I am in 1966 spray painting the wall of an underground station in London, seething with anger against my nemesis Eric and fully ready to write “Clapton is Goddamn Crazy if He Thinks He Plays Guitar Better Than Me!” when suddenly the cops show up and I had to sprint the hell outta there.

BILL

Go see the EXCELLENT "Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri"

You know a movie is good if it’s actually called "Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri.”

BILL

Poor Defense

And, please, I’m getting kind of tired of the UCLA basketball thieves stating they made a “mistake.” A mistake is when you drop a pass; a choice is when you refuse to reach out to grab it. This was not one of them impulsively pilfering a pair of high-end sunglasses and his mates refusing to squeal on him. This was premeditated behavior at three different stores. Get a clue, lads.

BILL

Charlie* Don't Surf

Or breathe for that matter. Ding-dong, the wicked prick is dead.

BILL

* Manson for the ill-informed.

Now THAT'S Senatorial Courtesy!

There’s something woefully demented to not only be thrust into a diva-level tizzy by, but to publically call for the firing of people who quietly kneel during a song, then having no comment whatsoever on the subject of a near certain pedophile joining the ranks of the most deliberative political body in our government.

Or as I like to say: Ladies and gentlemen, the Trump administration.

BILL

Heard It Through The Gripe Vine

The President’s Chief-of-Staff, John Kelly, does not follow his boss’s primary method of communicating with the world, i.e. Twitter, which would include repeated taunting of a sociopathic nut job with nukes.

(Ladies and gentlemen, the Trump Administration.)

BILL

Pro Bonehead

Brett J. Talley, President Trump’s nominee to be a federal judge in Alabama, has never tried a case, was unanimously rated “not qualified” by the American Bar Association’s judicial rating committee and has only practiced law for three years. Or as I like to say: Ladies and gentlemen, the Trump Administration.

BILL

Dear Washington Post:

When Roy Moore sues you, make sure you use in court that when Moore denied an incident happened, he used the phrase “about something that happened forty years ago.”

BILL

Life Itself is Funny Enough I Guess

I’ve never seen an episode of “Friends” or “Will and Grace” or “Roseanne.” There must be something wrong with me. (I mean apart from the usual.)

BILL

Worshiping The Packers

In the wake of Sutherland Springs, when “Crooked God” once again dropped the ball and allowed those praising him to be slaughtered like the proverbial sheep - double pun intended – there is increasing chatter about parishioners bringing guns to church for protection. This is beyond absurd, for the definition of a Christian is one who follows the teachings and precepts of Christ. Not only did Jesus never carry so much as a knife, he uttered things like “He who lives by the sword dies by the sword.” This being so, to be packing in church – or to own any (non-hunting) weapon at all really – invariably means you worship someone whose judgment you deem to be less sound than your own. And I believe this meets the technical definition of “Hahahahahahahahaha!!!”

BILL

Some Headlines Don't Even Need a Punch Line

“Donald Trump 'tells Japanese emperor mass shootings can happen anywhere' — in country with no mass shootings.”

(OK, maybe one: Ladies and gentlemen, the Trump Administration.)

BILL

Billy Buzz Kill's Bad Boys

A change of pace. Here, in no particular order, are a few of my all-time favorite movie villains, Ms. Hamilton taking the prize. (I distinguish between villain and opponent. For example, one of the all-time great OPPONENTS in a film is James Mason in “The Verdict,” but he is by no means a “villain” per se.)

Gary Oldman - The Professional
Andy Robinson - Dirty Harry
Margaret Hamilton - The Wizard of Oz
Bob Gunton - The Shawshank Redemption
Bradley Cooper - Wedding Crashers
Heath Ledger - The Dark Knight
Bruce Dern – The Cowboys
Dennis Hopper - Blue Velvet
Alan Rickman – Die Hard
Louise Fletcher – One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest

BILL

PS: Yeah, I get it. I’m old.

While This Guitar Listener Gently Weeps

Whenever a musician hops onto my subway train, then begins to strum away and sing, I say to him: “It’s music I love, not a musical raping of my ears.”

BILL

We Weren't a Very Close Family

In fact, my favorite song was “He Ain’t Heavy, He’s a Bother.”

BILL

Remedial Reading Coarseness

Few things entertain me as much as watching Donald Trump read aloud, yesterday twice fumbling over the word “diversity,” his monumentally mediocre mind struggling like a cat ensnared in a burlap bag to attain the vaunted heights of his intellectual braggadocio, yet falling short once again.

BILL

Board Games

I’m always amused by those who find Halloween morally detestable due to its gruesome images, a loathing particularly ironic in that they tend to worship at the icon of a man impaled with spikes through both hands and feet to two boards and left to die there.

BILL