Let's Change the Climate of Reporting Quality

When will a reporter ask Little Donnie “What credentials do you have as a real estate tycoon that you feel - pun intended – ‘trump’ those of the vast, vast , VAST majority of climate scientists with regards to climate change? Or to put it another way: why should we believe you on this topic?”

BILL

The Voter Fraud Fraud

One expert on voter fraud found 31 cases out of more than a billion ballots in the US from 2000-2014, per a recent article in the Los Angeles Times.

Wow! I can certainly understand the fervent desire of some to make sure photo ID’s – not all are accepted by the way - are shown at voter precincts. Thirty-one out of more than one billion could certainly swing an election! (Of course, if some 92 year old veteran who stormed the beaches of Normandy living in a nursing home who lost his photo ID years ago can’t come up with one, well, tough luck, Captain. Please roll your wheelchair out of the precinct; you’re blocking the aisle.)

Thank you, FOX News!

BILL

Chain of Terror

Whenever a Taliban or ISIS leader is taken out I always go “Yayyyyyy! There will never be another leader of such organizations!”

BILL

More from “Dumb Dynasty” patriarch Phil Rubertson:

“When man stops believing in God, he’ll believe in anything.”

Actually, Phil, it’s the other way around. For example, you believe in virgin births, people rising from the dead, people walking on water and talking snakes. I don’t.

Hope I’ve been of some help.

BILL

I’ve only cried over one movie.

It was called “The Bottom of The Peanut Brittle Box.”

BILL

Fox and The Hannity House

So as I watched Sean Hannity lob softballs Donald Trump’s way the other night, my head darn near exploded when – again – Trump said “No one respects women more than me.” Now a good reporter – hell, ANY reporter - would have asked “How could you possibly know this?” OK, I get it, figure of speech. Then at LEAST Hannity should have said “Actually, I’m going to scoot out on a limb here and suggest that since you repeatedly labeled one of my very smart peers a ‘bimbo’ – among other tasteless things - for having asked you a tough but fair question and since you literally own a beauty pageant that objectifies women – perhaps – there actually DO exist people in this world who respect women more than you.”

BILL

Dear Megyn Kelly:

Barbara Walters called. She wants her persona back.

BILL

I don't drink beer often, but when I do...

... I drink whatever’s on sale.

BILL

"Nobody respects women more than me." (Donald Trump, 5/9/16)

Hahahahahahahahahahaa!!!!!!!!!

BILL

”Nobody reads the Bible more than me.”

The above a word for word Donald Trump quote.

Evidently that part about it being easier for a camel to fit through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to inherit the kingdom of heaven has yet to sink in.

As so many are prone to utter: Just sayin.’

BILL

Coming in at Number Two With a Bullet

George Zimmerman is now ranked right behind OJ Simpson for highest ranking of “blood money,” trying as he is to auction off the gun used to kill Trayvon Martin. (Simpson’s “If I Did It” – where the former gridiron great theorized how he MIGHT have gone about slicing off the head of the mother of his children - still sets the gold standard.) And now, back to the countdown.

BILL

Duck Donald!

And remember kids, Donald Trump might claim to be uncomfortable with his white separatist delegate William Johnson, but that delegate is awful comfortable with him.

BILL

I’m such an idiot

I just found out hedge funds have nothing to do with gardening.

BILL

An Open Email to Sen. Ted Cruz's Children

Dear Kids: Next time Daddy says “I’m going to spank you for saying something that is not true,”* remind him that he’s a politician.

I’m here to help.

BILL

*He has publically stated this.

My Life Must Be Good

My greatest fear in life is that someone at work will see me reaching inside my desk drawer and into my box of peanut brittle and ask for some.

BILL

It's Not How He Said It, It's What He Said

Listening to the Commodores 1979 hit “Sail On” recently, I must say I think it’s the most polite “Go Fuck Yourself” song ever written.

BILL

I'm sorry but church shootings - yes, we had another - always crack me up.

HUSBAND: C’mon, honey, we’re running late. We can’t be late for mass.

WIFE: (from bathroom) I know, but Justin scraped his knee. I’m putting on a band aid.

HUSBAND: Wasn’t he dressed?

WIFE: He was getting dressed. He fell.

HUSBAND: Ugh. Gotta hustle. I’ll be in the car.

Husband runs outside. Gets in car. Starts it up. Pulls out of garage and idles the car in the driveway. Wife and little Justin scramble out of the house. Get into the car.

HUSBAND: Got everything?

WIFE: I think so.

HUSBAND: Cell phone?

WIFE: Check.

HUSBAND: Prayer book?

WIFE: Check.

HUSBAND: Check for the collection plate.

WIFE: Check.

HUSBAND: Those little mints I love.

WIFE: In my pocket.

HUSBAND: That’s why I married you.

Smiling, Husband puts the car into reverse and starts to back out.

WIFE: Wait! Stop!

HUSBAND: What now?

WIFE: I forgot the gun.

BILL

An Injustice of Biblical Proportions

Imagine if a person could be found guilty of murder if an excerpt from a book stated that that person committed the crime and such “evidence” was all that was needed to convict. Would that be crazy or what?!

BILL

Twitter: @BillBekkala

Of Political Correctness

Whenever people bemoan political correctness, consider replying: “Why would you ever want to be incorrect? Jeez, I’m glad you’re not an air traffic controller.”

BILL