A Recent Photo of Me

In answer to numerous requests, I am posting a recent photo. (Yes, I have done away with these rather unflattering glasses.) Thank you for your interest.

BILL

The NFL Refs Are Back!!!

And not only did they get a hearty welcome from the Baltimore fans last night, but who could not be moved by the sportsmanship shown by Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis when he bent down to pick up and hand back to back judge Jerry Henderson his red-tipped cane when the veteran referee dropped it.

BILL

My Punch Line

I told a woman recently that she looked like actress Anne Hathaway but without the same lovely eyes and smile.

(My nose is healing nicely the doctor says.)

BILL

Turnabout is Foreplay

I once went into a head shop and was given free tobacco.

I immediately hurried to the nearest tobacco shop.

BILL

Kiddie Corn

I recognize this as woefully presumptive on my part but I can never escape thinking that those who write books for children do so only because they are incapable of writing them for adults.

BILL

If You Changed Just Three Little Letters...

… Lee Ann Womack’s 2000 country crossover hit would be so less inspiring if it were entitled: “I Hope You Drown.”

“I hope you never lose your sense of blunder.
And the next time you go swimming you go under…”

BILL

If You Believe in Forever

While, true, they have one “helluva” band in heaven, most all of the musicians are so coked up that even their rehearsals suck. I have this on good authority. OK, God spoke to me on this very topic, telling me that far, far too often he is relegated to clamping his hands over his ears and shouting: “Please, for the love of Christ, will you people stop?! Please, just stop?!”

Pretty sad…

BILL

The Argument Against Global Warming/Climate Change...

… is that it is done to “scare people.” Really? For starters, I think global warming is happening, my reasons for thinking this stemming from peer reviewed science and the lack of even a single foreign or domestic science academy of any weight offering a dissenting opinion on the matter. You know, stupid reasons.

But as for the “scare” tactic. Sorry, fellas, it doesn’t “scare” me. Back to the drawing board. (We’ll ignore for this email the assumption on your part that there is a certain contingent of people who enjoy going through life scaring people. “What do you do, Bob? I work in the sports medicine industry. And you?” “Oh, you know, I pretty much just like to scare people.”)

BILL

No Wonder I've Been So Cranky of Late

My doctor informs me my irritable bowel syndrome has spread throughout my entire body.

BILL

Mitt Quote:

“President Obama promised to begin to slow the rise of the oceans and heal the planet. MY promise...is to help you and your family.”

And here’s how he does it:

http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/news/greed-and-debt-the-true-story-of-mitt-romney-and-bain-capital-20120829