And Now It's Time To Play: "Which is More Embarrassing!?"

POUTus promising to have Congress pass a middle class tax cut before the election, even though Congress is not in session?

OR

POUTus believing that he can personally overturn the 14th Amendment to the very Constitution he swore to uphold when he placed his hand on the bible that he reads more than anyone that reads: “All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the state wherein they reside.”

(Ladies and gentlemen, the Trump Administration.)

BILL

Lunar Tunes

I sure hope that, during a take in the moon sequence of the film "First Man," Ryan Gosling - in full Neil Armstrong regalia - broke out into song and dance with a little something I like to call "City of Stars."

BILL

It's Not Monday Morning Quarterbacking When Done in Real Time

(The metaphor applies to baseball.)

The Los Angeles Dodgers deserved to lose the World Series.

You’re down 2-1 in games, but up 4-0 in Game 4 at home in the 7th inning. Your starter has allowed only one hit. He walks the first batter. (No need to panic. Don’t forget, you have a four run lead late in the game!) He strikes out the next batter and he’s pulled! The boos debuted as soon as Manager Dave Roberts walked out onto the field and grew increasingly louder the closer he got to the mound, that is to say: in real time! A series of relief pitchers then imploded like the controlled implosion that felled Building 7 on 9/11. (That was a joke.)

BILL

How I KNOW I'm a Natural Smart Ass:

Many times I want to delicately say something to someone and I think to myself: “OK, now say it so you don’t come off like a smart ass.” Then I say it and – as I’m uttering the words – I’m thinking to myself: “Man, does that sound smart ass!”

BILL

PS: I’m not joking.

The ONLY Academic Lesson I Can Recall From College

My physics professor claimed there were three rules of physics:

F = MA (Force = Mass times Acceleration)

You can’t push on a rope.

And: Physics is fun.

I wish I could remember his name because, dog gone it, he did make physics fun.

BILL

"World's Worst Cover-Up"

This is how POUTus describes the shenanigans following the Saudi murder of – “enemy of the people,” (POUTus’ words, not mine), Washington Post reporter Jamal Khashoggi.

Sorry, but if we’re talking “world’s worst cover-up” I still place it behind the infamous Trump Tower meeting. (That stated, I still get a little verklempt when I think about Donald Trump Jr.’s sincere and abiding concern for Russian orphans. He is such a sweet and unfairly maligned hero in my eyes.)

BILL

Ahhhhhh, The Innocence of Youth

I recall a 1974 article on tennis star, Jimmy Connors. It referenced him attending UCLA for one year and an argument he had had with a professor. The anecdote ended with: “Dear me” was not what Connors said.

My inquisitive mind wondered: Gee, what did Connors say?

BILL

His Version of Letting Freedom Ring

So charitable of POUTus to clamor for "due process" in defending the Saudi Prince re the killing of reporter -- whoops! excuse me - where are my manners? - "enemy of the people" Jamal Khashoggi, especially in light of the fact that due process does not exist in Saudi Arabia.

BILL

Oh, delicious irony...

Citing “incompetence” in California’s fire management strategy and that we had “better get our act together,” POUTus stated: “We’re just not going to continue to pay the kind of money we’re paying because of fires that should never be to the extent.” (sic) * For now I’ll set aside the implicit “to the extent that what?”

The irony - aside from citing incompetence - would be POUTus – who on Sunday opined that global warming might “go back” - having for years belittled the very idea of climate change and the predicted wildfires that the… ahem… “alarmists” said would come about as a result of continuing drought conditions.

(Ladies and gentlemen, the Trump Administration.)

BILL

* Source: 10/18/18 Los Angeles Times

The Place is Right

I dated a lady with a real wacky side - and think about that: ME calling someone else "wacky." Anyway, during... ahem... the nasty, she would now and again call out: To quote Johnny Olson: "Come on down!!!"

BILL

"The end justifies the means.”

For years, this phrase troubled me, sensing as I did a fallacy within it. Then one day it hit me: There is no end and memories are long.

BILL

Donald Trump, the Science Chump

POUTus weighed in on climate change on “60 Minutes” Sunday night, acknowledging (I suppose) that the earth is warming, but then immediately asserting that “it could go back,” “knowledge” likely attributed to a random crew member he overheard during his days on “The Apprentice.”

(Ladies and gentlemen, the Trump Administration.)

BILL

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

I once caught a puck at a hockey game. Born and bred of noble manners, I climbed over the glass, then slid my way out onto the ice in my Hush Puppies and said: “Excuse me, fellas, but I believe this belongs to you.” The cops at the station later said this was the funniest thing they’d ever heard and simply could not stop laughing.

BILL

In My Ongoing Effort To Spend Eternity in Hell:

It’s been my experience that there are very few problems that cannot be handled by way of a “good, swift kick in the ass.” This notion on my part also led to my nickname “Swifty” back when I headed the pediatric burn ward.

BILL

Lyin' Eyes (NOT the tune)

Dear “Brat” Kavanaugh: Whatever happened to your once fervent advocacy of polygraphs used in conjunction with federal job vetting? It’s vanishing only makes me believe your accuser. C’mon, buddy, grow a pair! Your testicles need not be used solely as impetus for attempted rape. (But don’t forget: She not only wanted to take a polygraph, but passed it as well. The plot thickens...)

BILL

My McDonald’s Job Interview

When I was seventeen, I had a job interview to be the French fry cook at our local McDonald’s. Here is an excerpt from that interview:

McDONALD’S: Were we to hire you, Mr. Bekkala, would you ever help yourself to some of the French fries you were being asked to cook?

ME: I like French fries! What, you don’t like French fries?

McDONALD’S: My question is a specific one: would you ever—

ME: Do I like French fries? Yes, I like French fries. Any maybe I’ve taken some I wasn’t technically entitled to, OK? What, you haven’t?

McDONALD’S: Mr. Bekkala, what we’re trying to ascertain is—

ME: I know what this is all about. This is a hit job, plain and simple. This is a calculated hit job intended as payback for my having worked the shake machine at Burger King. That’s what this is!

McDONALD’S: Back to my question: would you ever help yourself to some of the French fries you were being asked to cook?

(silence)

McDONALD’S: You’re not going to answer the question?

ME: I like French fries, OK? We all like French fries. Yes, occasionally I have eaten too many French fries.


(Now the crazy thing is: They still hired me.)

BILL

Like Father Like Son

In the wake of the Brat Kavanaugh hearings, Donald Trump Jr. has opined that he now fears more for his sons than his daughters, leading one political wag – me – to opine: “Well, aren’t we all light years beyond thrilled not to be Donald Trump Jr.’s daughter.”

BILL

When All The Laughter Dies in Sorry Spectacle:

Even if we assume that members of the United Nations were laughing with Trump and not at him as he claims, this leads to the question: “OK, Mr. President, but what were you laughing at.”

BILL