Unending Fun With Benghazi

NEWS ITEM: The House committee investigating the Benghazi attacks is now the longest congressional investigation in history, the House Select Committee on Benghazi having been active for 72 weeks -- surpassing the record previously held by the Watergate Committee in the 1970's.

EDITORIAL: Bravo, I say! Bravo! We must find out if the Benghazi attacks were a violent act of religiously-fueled rage or a religiously-fueled act of violent rage. Keep the investigation going, gentlemen. The fate of a nation lies in the balance.

BILL

Some Fun FOX News Trivia

FOX News was all over – and by all over I mean daily news reports in the summer of 2001 – about a Democratic member of the House of Representative named Gary Condit, more than implying that he probably murdered a young lady named Chandra Levy. (He was later exonerated when another man was found guilty of Levy’s first-degree murder.)

I have little doubt FOX would have kept up these evidence-bereft insinuations were it not for three airliners crashing into the World Trade Center and Pentagon on 9/11/2001, relegating Condit to trivia posts such as this.

In the old days, they called this McCarthyism. I just call it “fair and balanced.”

BILL

"To The Moon, Alice!" (NOT)

I’m sure others have probably noticed this but only (“The Honeymooners”) Jackie Gleason’s Ralph Kramden could get away with repeated wife beating jokes. I see three reasons.

One, we knew without a doubt that he would never hit her. Moreover, Ralph knew that Alice knew he would never hit her. The frustration on his face was because he knew he’d never do it.

Two, it’s a safe bet that Ralph would probably kill with his bare hands anyone who harmed a hair on Alice’s head.

Finally, ever the comic pro, Gleason always had the scripts so that Alice verbally got the best of Ralph as soon as he “threatened” her.

BILL

Alcohol and Writing - A Love Story

Truman Capote
Raymond Chandler
William Faulkner
Raymond Carver
Dashiell Hammett
Ernest Hemingway
Jack Kerouac
F. Scott Fitzgerald
Eugene O'Neill
Jack London
Hunter S. Thompson
Tennessee Williams
Dorothy Parker
Edgar Allen Poe
Charles Bukowski
James Joyce
Dylan Thomas

BILL

Dad's Clean Plates: A Childhood Memory

My father always ate everything on his plate. When done, he would pick it up and lick it clean. After that he would pick up all our plates and lick each and every one of them clean. Finally – a coup de grace if you will - he would pick up his plate and devour it bite by bite, swallowing every shard of glass until his plate was entirely consumed. Then, with sweeping finality, while blood cascaded from his smiling lips, he would extend both arms and shout: “And for my next trick!!”

How he managed to repeatedly do this has forever mystified both me and my equally stunned siblings.

BILL

These Boots Were Made For Talkin'

Ever notice that the same politicians who salivate their allegiance to the military generals familiar with “boots on the ground” refuse to accord the same level of deference to the thousands of climate scientists who for decades have studied the data in their chosen field of expertise, arrogantly relegating the latter group to the status of “alarmists.”

BILL

I auditioned for Dos Equis’ “The Most Interesting Man in The World” commercials

Unfortunately they decided to go with someone who was actually interesting.

BILL

Insert Your Own Punch Line

I have been to two shooting locations for 1994’s “Dumb and Dumber” and 2014’s “Dumb and Dumber To,” each time visiting these locations prior to shooting. They are The Stanley Hotel in Estes Park, CO and Marietta Square in Marietta, GA, respectively. Moreover, costar Jeff Daniels attended the same university as I.

Draw your own conclusions.

BILL

Twitter: @BillBekkala

Good Golly, I'm Defending Sarah Palin

The Daily Beast website headline reads: Sarah Palin used today’s Iran Deal rally as an opportunity to refer to #BlackLivesMatter as “the dogs.”

How drama queen of them. What Palin said was: “Since our president won’t say it, since he still hasn’t called off the dogs, we’ll say it! Police officers and first responders all across this great land, we got your back! We salute you! Thank you, police officers!”

Now while I am troubled by Palin’s amnesia as to the propensity for some police officers to be prone to shooting blacks far more than whites, the assertion by The Daily Beast was more than a bit of a stretch. Using the phrase “calling off the dogs” is not calling some people “dogs.”

(Gotta call BS no matter the political stripe….)

BILL

Why Christians Can't Own Guns For Self-Defense - A Primer

Since Jesus refused to even carry a knife and admonished Peter for using a sword, it’s clear he frowned upon weapons and wasn’t one prone to violence*. Now, if the definition of a Christian is one who follows the teachings and precepts of Christ, then it logically follows that a true Christian should roam the world unarmed.

But, if you cite what you consider legitimate reasons for needing to be armed, bully for you. Here’s to reason! Unfortunately though that means you worship someone whose judgment you deem to be less sound than your own, at which time you have lowered the concept of “reverent worship” into a pit of abject silliness.

BILL

*Excluding the time he went diva when tossing money lenders from the temple.

More Comedy Gold from The Donald! Keep 'Em Coming, Buddy!

NEWS ITEM: While Donald Trump never served in the military, he “always felt” that he had because he attended a military-themed prep school that gave him “more training militarily than a lot of the guys that go into the military.”

EDITORIAL: Aside from this basically being an insult to everyone legitimately serving in the military, it reminds me that while I’m probably not the sexiest man in America, I’ve “always felt” I am.

BILL

The Importance of Gratitude

On his deathbed, my father clutched my hand in his, whispering in dying breaths of the importance of gratitude in life. Since that day, I’ve always been grateful whenever people give me money.

BILL

Twitter: @BillBekkala

Man-to-Man Defense

NEWS ITEM: ASHLAND, Ky. (AP) — A defiant county clerk, Kim Davis, was sent to jail for contempt Thursday after insisting that her "conscience will not allow" her to follow a federal judge's orders to issue marriage licenses to gay couples.

EDITORIAL: This reminds me of the early 70s, when Bill Walton informed UCLA basketball Coach John Wooden that he had no right to tell him to get a haircut and thus Walton was refusing to get one. Wooden replied – essentially – “Well, if it’s that important to you, Bill, I respect your decision. We’re going to miss you.” Walton quickly saw the light. (Point being, Davis should resign.)

BILL

"Solitary Man"

They say prolonged solitary confinement drives a person insane. Yet I can’t escape the thought that – were I to be so confined – I would come out pretty much the same way I went in. Unfortunately, this leads me to but one conclusion: I’m already nuts.

BILL