Here's to Your Health

In 1912, Teddy Roosevelt campaigned for a single national health service.

1954, President Eisenhower proposed healthcare protection for uninsured Americans.

In 1974, President Nixon proposed universal health coverage.

And people wonder why I refer to these guys as “The Radical Socialist Trio.”

BILL

Marathon Man

Realizing the LA Marathon ran one block from my apartment, I couldn’t resist watching. Soon, the spectacle of sirens, flashing lights, police and security clearing the way emerged. Spotting the leader, the world’s second most famous Kenyan – the first being our current President (wink-wink) – Wesley Korir, the eventual winner, I simply could not resist. I leaped off the curb, more or less dancing like a cocky Ali, waving my arms like the lunatic my conservative friends deem me to be. “You think you’re fast, my man?” I yelled. “Let’s see who’s fast. I’ll race you to that street light half a block down.” I was even with him – side by side – as I hurled what I still feel was a fair challenge, one that garnered only a look of perturbation on his part.

Sprinting as fast as my legs could carry me, I beat him by a good ten feet. Maybe more.

“Yeah, I’m bad!” I called out, arms raised in triumph. Embarrassed by defeat, I glimpsed only a sarcastic roll of his eyes, one that, in any language, said “Dude’s crazy.”

Yeah, I’m bad.

BILL

PS – My court date is Thursday.

I Threw The Javelin in High School

Flinging one that arced through the air before inadvertently plunging through the chest of the handsome cad who stole my girlfriend. Fortunately I was acquitted.

BILL

Yes, I Was a Breech Birth

Pretty much explaining why I have been making an ass of myself from day one. BILL