False Lessons in History

“Honest Abe” Lincoln is, in fact, an historical misnomer, truncated as it was from its original “Honest, Abe, sometimes I think you’re completely full of shit.”

BILL

A Bad Year On SO Many Levels

“I don't want life to imitate art, I want life to be art.”

(Writer) Carrie Fisher from her screenplay “Postcards From The Edge.” RIP.

(And then her mother – Debbie Reynolds - lives only long enough to see her only daughter die. Oy….)

BILL

Every Now and Again I Wish There is a Hell

NEWS ITEM: A woman accused of threatening the parent of a boy killed in the Sandy Hook school shooting because she thought the massacre was a hoax staged to erode Second Amendment rights pleaded not guilty and was barred from visiting websites that promote such conspiracy claims.*

EDITORIAL: I smell a Trump voter!

BILL

*Source 12/20/16 Los Angeles Times

What's Good For The Goose is Good for The Gunner

Considering that Roe v. Wade has been the law of the land since 1973, it’s fascinating to watch how some states nibble away at this ruling in an effort to render it… well, “less than the law of the land.” If you were to take a similar approach to guns – putting forth, for example, a law that said “You have every right to buy a gun, but before you do you have to run naked through the neighborhood,” I wonder how gun nuts would react?

BILL

Frankly, I think Jimmy Stewart’s character George Bailey – if he had a nickel’s worth of business acumen – would have fired the grossly incompetent Uncle Billy long before that fateful Christmas Eve, rendering – in my eyes at least - this alleged 1946 “Christmas classic” nothing short of a colossal failure.

(OK, maybe it’s me.)

BILL

I Don't Need No Stinkin' Badger!

I’ve started using badgers in my magic act as opposed to rabbits. While I find it challenging, audience members tell me it’s quite entertaining.

BILL

I Might Be Changing My Mind on This

I gotta admit, Little Donnie is kind of growing on me. I mean, for the laughs of course. When the President of Pakistan called to congratulate him on his victory, Trump told his caller that Pakistan is “a fantastic country, fantastic place of fantastic people.” (Not to be redundant; I guess “amazing” had a previous engagement.) Also: “Pakistanis are one of the most intelligent people.” (How he came to this conclusion will forever remain a mystery.) Of course none of these “fantastic people” would be allowed to enter the United States under his threat to ban Muslim immigrants. Little Donnie, we hardly know you and already you’re funny! Like Hitler slipping on a banana peel.

BILL

To Kill a Dodo-Bird

NEWS ITEM: “In 2016 schools in Virginia took Harper Lee’s ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’ off shelves after a parent complained.”*

EDITORIAL: I smell a Trump voter…

BILL

*Source: 12/18/16 Los Angeles Times

Who said: "Our investment is already paying off?"

If I had to place a bet, I’d say Russian President Vladimir Putin, knowing as he does how the President-Elect skips daily intel briefings but does have for Kanye West and tweeting.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Trump Administration.

BILL

The Lunatics Have Taken Over The Asylum

Former Texas Governor Rick Perry, a climate change denier who bases this denial on his expertise in, well… nothing, and during his presidential run advocated doing away with the Energy Department is now in charge of that Department.

(For the record, Obama’s heads of this department were both, you know, physicists, one of them a Nobel prize winner, the other a professor at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology.)

Ladies and gentlemen: the Trump Administration.

BILL

Karma Apples

Trump Senior Advisor Kellyanne Conway claims she’s getting death threats. Ordinarily, I’d feel worse about this type of thing but perhaps the barely-veiled assassination threat Trump made against his opponent some time back resulted in those “Second Amendment people” inadvertently targeting the wrong blond.

BILL

Bannin' Bannon

Trump strategist Stephen K. Bannon might not be entirely comfortable with the White Supremacists drawn to his socio-political camp, but never forget: They are quite comfortable with him.

BILL

The Hate Soufflé

NEWS ITEM: Reported hate crimes increased by 7% across the US in 2015, according to the FBI’s Uniform Crime report. Incidents targeting Muslims saw a particularly sharp increase, with 257 reported bias crimes last year compared with 154 in 14. The Southern Poverty Law Center reported 701 incidents of harassments since Trump’s win, with most occurring in the first three days after the election. Of those, 206 incidents were anti-immigrant and 51 were anti-Muslim.*

EDITORIAL: Huh! Strange. Wonder what was different about the last year. Weird………….

BILL

*Source: 11/29/16 Los Angeles Times

I'll Have a Slice of Pedoroni

NEWS ITEM: A gunman recently entered a Washington DC pizzeria, intent on rescuing children trapped in an imaginary sexual abuse ring that Internet conspiracy buffs insist was run by Hillary Clinton and a chief aide.

“Until Pizzagate is proven to be false it’ll remain a story,” said Michael Flynn, Jr. son of Donald Trump’s choice as national security advisor and chief of staff to his father.*

EDITORIAL: And people wonder why I call them “rubes.”

BILL

*(Source: 12/6/16 Los Angeles Times)

Let Us Find Common Ground!

In these stormy, contentious days, let us all breathe easy, knowing there is one area where we can find common agreement: Charleston shooter Dylann Roof would – without a doubt – have voted for Donald Trump.

BILL

A Tax Upon Thee

NEWS ITEM: WASHINGTON (AP) — President-elect Donald Trump's charity has admitted that it violated IRS regulations barring it from using its money or assets to benefit Trump, his family, his companies or substantial contributors to the foundation.

EDITORIAL: Seriously, do we need one? (On the other hand, there’s always “Lock him up!”)

BILL