Life is Fraught With Humiliation

Both petty and grand. The one that still adheres however is the “atomic” wedgie unleashed upon me by a rabid pack of seven-year olds, my tear-streaked, red-faced embarrassment still fresh in my mind despite the incident having happened well over a week ago.

BILL

Twitter: @BillBekkala

If You Can't Take The Heat, Get Out of The Burka

(But if you do, we’ll stone you to death.) Whenever I see women in Saudi Arabia wearing head-to-toe black tents in 100-degree plus heat I say to myself “Wow! What sort of ‘mind’ set would enforce such off-the-meter callous insanity?” before coming to my senses and realizing the answer, of course, is “religion.”

Silly me.

BILL

1/28/15 @BillBekkala tweet:

Marshawn Lynch: Per your Media Day audition we are honored to admit you to Gil Jones Clown Academy. Bring your own tricycle and rubber nose.

History Repeats Itself

First as tragedy. Second as farce. Third as cheesy History Channel mini-series.

BILL

Fun Fact:

NEWS ITEM: Atheists were almost absent from our prison population as of the late 1990s, comprising less than half of one-percent of those behind bars, according to Federal Bureau of Prisons statistics. This echoes what the criminology field has documented for more than a century: the (religiously) unaffiliated and the non-religious engage in far fewer crimes. (1/15/15 Los Angeles Times)

EDITORIAL: Godless heathens…

BILL

Having FINALLY seen "The Devil Wears Prada"...

I think “Unbroken” should have been called “The Devil Wears Khaki.”

BILL

In My Ongoing Effort to Spend Eternity in Hell

So my 86-year-old mother calls me, all excited that she’s finally “cancer free.” I say: “Hey! I’ve been cancer free my whole LIFE but you don’t see me walking around bragging about it.”

BILL

Taylor-Made Vanity

At HBO’s Golden Globes after-party, singer Taylor Swift was (quoting from the LA Times) “encircled by stern bodyguards wearing earpieces.” Gee, dear, I didn’t know you were a target for assassination.

BILL

1/15/15 @BillBekkala tweet:

Before you start talking Oscar snubs you must BY NECESSITY first say who you’d pull from the five, a far higher bar than whining about “snubs.”

Duh! I Guess I Didn't Think This All The Way Through

Has it occurred to the street-blocking “Black Lives Matter” protesters that, by the very act of obstructing a public thoroughfare, what they are also saying is: “But the lives of those we’re blocking, no matter their color, don’t?”

BILL

The Difference Between Thinking and Believing

Too many parents, prompted by the likes of high school graduate, talk show host and onetime Playmate of The Month Jenny McCarthy, believe that measles immunizations cause autism, a notion repeatedly discredited by what we call “scientists.” (These are people both educated in and devoted to a thing called “science.”) Anyway, I’m digressing. Today’s banner headline on page one, above-the-fold in the Los Angeles Times is “Perfect Storm For Measles Outbreak.” The article cites the alarming resurgence of measles, the domestic transmission of which was zero in 2000. But, thanks to Jenny and her believers, statistics show that fewer parents are getting their children immunized. Soooooooooo, guess which disease is officially on the comeback trail? Yes, measles!!

Thank you, Doctor Jenny! I think I see a position at FOX News in your future….

BILL

Three Reasons Why President Obama Did Not March in Paris

1) Lee

2) Harvey

3) Oswald

BILL

He Man Women Haters Club

NEWS ITEM: An international Delta Airlines flight was reportedly delayed for roughly half an hour on Friday when several ultra-Orthodox Jewish men refused to sit next to female passengers.
Israel Radio first reported that Delta Flight 468, bound for Tel Aviv's Ben Gurion Airport from John F. Kennedy Airport, took off 30 minutes after its scheduled departure time due to commotion onboard. Several Haredi, or ultra-Orthodox men, refused to sit in their assigned seats, which placed them next to women. But other passengers also refused to swap seats with the men, causing the prolonged delay.

EDITORIAL: Ah yes, religion….

BILL

I Don't Mind Growing Old; I Mind Growing Ugly

When I look back at the years, few things sadden me more than the fact that, shackled as I was by the chains of a child’s inferiority complex, I once believed myself to be ugly. Why this saddens me is – with the wisdom of longevity – I now know, beyond any doubt whatsoever, that I am truly, truly eye-averting hideous.

BILL

Judgment to Rush

Can someone please explain to this racist the concept of “false equivalency?” Rush’s head seems to be exploding over the thought of a black man playing James Bond. He insists Bond should be white. His “logic” below:

“There’s no racism intended here," added Limbaugh. "I have no bias whatsoever against Idris Elba. I think he’s a great actor. It isn’t even about him. This is about this girl (Editorial: note the term “girl” to downplay the achievement of a “woman” who has risen to the top of the Hollywood food chain through brains, savvy, and will) Amy Pascal who thinks he would be a great James Bond and we know why she says. She’s trying to buy off Al Sharpton. She’s trying to buy off any of the other hustlers because she’s in trouble.”

Limbaugh also restated that if a white actor portrayed an African-American it would not be accepted the same way.
"I simply asked an associated question," said Limbaugh. "Would it be accepted if the movie of the life and times of Barack Obama was cast? Pick any white actor. ... Pick [George] Clooney. Clooney would be honored by the way to do it. Do you think that the Al Sharptons of the world would sit idly by and applaud it? We know that it wouldn’t be acceptable."

Rush, here’s the difference. Obama is real; James Bond is not. Bond is dress up and make believe!!!!! Now, again, crawl back into your den of hate and preach to the rubes.

BILL

Two Great Thinkers

“The only thing I know is the extent of my own ignorance.”
(Socrates)

“Man, I can be an idiot!”
(Bill Bekkala)

BILL

Bill's Guarantee of Happiness

Feeling low? I believe this will make you feel better instantaneously! Place your headphones on and play your favorite music. Maybe that treasured CD you haven’t listened to in years. Then stroll all alone into the forest near that special waterfall, the sweet sound of which never fails to soothe your soul. Then stumble and fall into a ridiculously huge pile of one-hundred dollar bills.

BILL

NEWS ITEM: 2-Year-Old Shoots & Kills Mother Inside Wal-Mart

Some call it tragedy; I call it Darwinism.

This woman lit the stupid fuse long ago and it finally exploded.

Feel sorry for the kid. The woman, for the propagation of the species, was meant to culled from the herd.

BILL

PS: Hey! Here’s a thought. Keep a loaded gun around a two-year old.

Caught "Unbroken" Over The Weekend

Yes, pretty intense. The water-boarding sequences were really difficult to watch because I kept finding myself siding with the Japanese who, let’s face it, were just trying to get some straight answers.

BILL