If James Taylor wrote 1977's "Your Smiling Face" Today:

“Whenever I see your smiling face
I have to smile myself
Because I appreciate our positive and rewarding relationship, one based on mutual respect, concern and sensitivity to the feelings of the other party.
Yes, I do.”

BILL

About Last Night

Went to CVS and picked up some syringes for my diabetic cat and a 12-pack of PBR for me.

(There’s a joke in there somewhere.)

BILL

The Lecter Circuit

I like to call up random women in the dark of night and when they pick up say in a voice akin to a blade sliding over silk: “Hello, Clarice.”

(OK, I’ve never done that.)

BILL

I Find The Disingenuousness a Little... Slippery

While I might agree with the cause, when a crowd chants “No Justice, No Peace!” I wish they would be a little bit more honest and chant what they really mean: “No Guilty Verdict, No Peace!”

BILL

Austin Power

I think I speak for most Americans when I say the time has clearly come for us to cease admitting white males into our country. They’re mass shooters and bombers. Some of them are good people I assume.

BILL

A Reed in The Wind

With the kaleidoscope of ever-changing opinions emanating from the child inhabiting the White House, it is now widely viewed that a pattern has emerged, that being he tends to embrace the position of the last person to whom he has spoken on the topic.

Now that's leadership!

BILL

Marx Bothers

Nothing illustrates the incontestable supremacy of capitalism better than the way an innocent child’s face sinks to near oblivion upon being tasked with reading the seminal work of Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels, The Communist Manifesto.

BILL

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

The White House has undergone a 34% turnover rate among staff in its first year. And what do you think the odds now are of high quality people coming aboard as a result?

Ladies and gentlemen, the Trump Administration.

BILL

What can I say? I get nostalgic now and again.

And who can forget candidate Trump saying “If she (Hillary) gets to pick her judges, nothing you can do, folks. Although the Second Amendment people — maybe there is, I don’t know.”

Now THAT is character, my friends. To call for the assassination of the President of The United States. THAT’S respect for the Constitution we all love, right? Am I right? How could you NOT vote for such a man?
Umm, well… maybe that ISN’T the type of person who should be elected president. Ah, what do I care? I voted for the lady with the private email server.

BILL

"I'm getting very close to getting the Cabinet I want."

Which leads to the question: “What were the impediments to having that Cabinet from the get-go like every other President in history?”

Whoops. My bad. I forgot: incompetence and amateur hour.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Trump Administration.

BILL

Crappiness is a Warm Gun

NEWS ITEM: “Citing the need for students to be safe in schools, President Trump – who had been securely in the NRA’s holster – initially put his weight behind some limited changes in gun laws. By Monday, he had backed away from most of them, opting instead for a Federal Commission on School Safety, the type of commission he disparaged at a rally on Saturday.”*

EDITORIAL: Ladies and gentlemen, the Trump Administration.

* Source: 3/13/2018 Los Angeles Times

BILL

"I Hear You"

Imagine a man so utterly stupid and devoid of empathy that his staff actually has to include among his briefing notes the aforementioned quotation when he meets those affected by our most recent gun massacre of children.

You will have imagined one Donald J. Trump.

BILL

(With apologies to H.L. Mencken, who said upon the death of William Jennings Bryan: “Imagine a gentleman and you will have imagined everything that he was not.” A far pithier quote.)

"And you let it in."

This is the line Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) says to Ash midway through 1979’s “Alien,” when they all begin to realize that Ash’s blatant violation of chain-of-command protocol has begun to take on ominous if not deadly proportions.

I think I’m going to start saying this whenever encountering those responsible for the Oval Office’s current occupant since – much like Ripley – I was quite adamant about the inherent dangers of opening that door.

BILL

Will This All Blow Over?

The whole Stormy Daniels thing. I mean, who do you believe? A shameless, credential-bereft exhibitionist or Stormy Daniels?

BILL

“I like conflict; I like watching it.”

This is what you get when you elect a reality TV star to the most powerful position on the face of the Earth.

Nice job, Trumpettes. Enjoy the show.

BILL

Make a Run For The Border

Four of the last five Best Director Oscars have gone to Mexicans.

Alfonso Cuarón 2013
Alejandro González Iñárritu 2014
Alejandro González Iñárritu 2015
Guillermo del Toro 2017

This is weird because a “wise” man once said: “They're sending people that have lots of problems, and they're bringing those problems with us. They're bringing drugs. They're bringing crime. They're rapists.”

BILL

Bonus: Two grammatical errors in one sentence from the, like, really smart guy.

On The Near Eve of The Oscars

Having just watched the clip again, I’m still somewhat in awe of how graciously “LaLa Land” producer Jordan Horowitz handled that Best Picture fiasco a year ago. Makes me want to see him win it for sure some time. (I’m pretty sure I’d have been asking for a chain saw.)

BILL

You know the punch line....

NEWS ITEM: Citing the Constitution’s Article XII, Trump’s legal team has requested that it be allowed to type and display President Trump’s answers to investigator Robert S. Mueller III’s questions onto a teleprompter for him to read.

BILL