Call Me Crazy...

… but I’ll bet Lt. Col. George Armstrong Custer said the “F” word at least once in his life.

BILL

I Was a Stupid Kid

My friend Bartley would urge me to call the bowling alley and ask the guy if he had sixteen pound balls.

“OK,” I said.

I dialed the phone to Kenosha Lanes.

“Hello?”

“Hi, do you have sixteen pound bowling balls?”

“Yes, we do,” she replied.

BILL

Our Trip to Amsterdam Was FABULOUS!!!

Highlighted of course by our tour of the Anne Frank house. Granted, I was surprised to see the drum set….

BILL

Here's to Your Health

In 1912, Teddy Roosevelt campaigned for a single national health service.

1954, President Eisenhower proposed healthcare protection for uninsured Americans.

In 1974, President Nixon proposed universal health coverage.

And people wonder why I refer to these guys as “The Radical Socialist Trio.”

BILL

Marathon Man

Realizing the LA Marathon ran one block from my apartment, I couldn’t resist watching. Soon, the spectacle of sirens, flashing lights, police and security clearing the way emerged. Spotting the leader, the world’s second most famous Kenyan – the first being our current President (wink-wink) – Wesley Korir, the eventual winner, I simply could not resist. I leaped off the curb, more or less dancing like a cocky Ali, waving my arms like the lunatic my conservative friends deem me to be. “You think you’re fast, my man?” I yelled. “Let’s see who’s fast. I’ll race you to that street light half a block down.” I was even with him – side by side – as I hurled what I still feel was a fair challenge, one that garnered only a look of perturbation on his part.

Sprinting as fast as my legs could carry me, I beat him by a good ten feet. Maybe more.

“Yeah, I’m bad!” I called out, arms raised in triumph. Embarrassed by defeat, I glimpsed only a sarcastic roll of his eyes, one that, in any language, said “Dude’s crazy.”

Yeah, I’m bad.

BILL

PS – My court date is Thursday.

I Threw The Javelin in High School

Flinging one that arced through the air before inadvertently plunging through the chest of the handsome cad who stole my girlfriend. Fortunately I was acquitted.

BILL

Yes, I Was a Breech Birth

Pretty much explaining why I have been making an ass of myself from day one. BILL