Regrets, I Have a Few

Among them telling my college roommate Stan Buckley in 1978:

“No, I won’t get in on the ground floor on your new business venture. Not only will people NOT want to pay a buck for a cup of coffee but Starbucks is a stupid name!”

BILL

Pigskin Point

The best reason for not instituting a college football playoff can be found in the myriad replies to: “And if we don’t?”

BILL

Compliment or Complement???

I’ve been told by many that I am as handsome a man as Kate Beckensale is a woman. (Not Kate Beckinsale, lovely actress of “Pearl Harbor” fame, but Kate Beckensale down the street. “Big Kate,” as the street urchins taunt her.)

BILL

Looner Fact

During their 1969 trip to the moon, Neil Armstrong became so annoyed by his ill-tempered Lunar Module occupant Edwin “Buzz” Aldrin that he soon began calling him “Buzz-kill.”

(OK, this is a lie, as we all know the moon landings were in fact a cruel hoax perpetrated upon the American public, one that so amused NASA that they repeated the stunt eight more times.)

BILL

Kids Today, God Love 'Em!

They just don’t seem to “get” that adults my age can be as hip as they perceive themselves to be. The polite though exuberant debate went on for quite some time before the hour grew late and I told them I had to get home to listen to my Neil Sedaka records.

BILL

History Quiz

If John McCain had been President during the Cuban Missile Crisis, how many nuclear warheads would the United States fired upon the Soviet Union and how many would they have fired upon us?

a) 9,500 and 8,750
b) 10,250 and 9,850
c) 12, 575 and 8,750

BILL

Calling In Is Sick

Am I mistaken or is being a United States Senator the only job in America where one can be absent from work for months at a time and, instead of being fired, have a 50-50 chance of being promoted to leader of the free world?

BILL