Today, I announce the formation of an exploratory commission for my candidacy for the office of God. Our present god – I call him “Crooked God” – is nothing short of a disaster. A disaster!
For centuries, “Crooked God” – despite being all knowing and all powerful – has done nothing whatsoever to stop war, murder, rape, over-population, destruction of the environment, torture, starvation, genocide, violence, slavery, famine, drought, poverty, sexual molestation, “honor” killings and female subjugation. Dare I even mention hurricanes?
Imagine! Being all knowing and all powerful and STILL ALLOWING these things to exist. Talk about sleeping on the job! This of course leads to the question: “Hey, Crooked God, what WOULDN’T you allow to happen?” I, on the other hand, would use all my godly powers to ensure these things never happen.
The choice is clear. Don’t settle for “Crooked God.” Vote for Bill as God. I appreciate your support.
BILL
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