I wrote awhile back: “Since one is statistically more likely to drown in his or her bathtub than be killed by a terrorist, what say we get rid of bath tubs?”
Now obviously it was a joke in getting rid of bath tubs but Bill Maher said he gets irked by stats like this because – and I’m paraphrasing – a bath tub isn’t trying to get a nuke. Terrorists are.
The power of reason.
BILL
Friday, February 26, 2016
Thursday, February 25, 2016
Fair is Fair
In the same way I ridicule Donald Trump for fearing Megyn Kelly, I equally must deride Hillary Clinton for (seemingly so far) fearing Chris Wallace, host of FOX News Sunday. And for what it’s worth, I do on occasions watch Wallace’s show and think he’s about as – pun intended - fair and balanced as they come.
BILL
BILL
Wednesday, February 24, 2016
Donald Trump To The Extreme
TRUMP: Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. You know what I’m going to do as soon as I’m president?
TRUMP FAN: What?
TRUMP: I am going to fuck your mother right up the ass. That’s what I’m going to do.
TRUMP FAN: Hey, I like your style. You’re a straight shooter!
TRUMP: Straight shooter? You don’t know the half of it. My cock is going to be a straight shooter when I cum up that bitch's ass. How’s that sound?
TRUMP FAN: That’s the kind of talk I LIKE to hear! None of that political crap we get from all those weak-kneed politicians.
TRUMP: And another thing you oughtta know, your mother is going to be screaming because I am huuuuuuuuuuuuge.
TRUMP FAN: You sure ain’t politically correct, are you?
TRUMP: The only thing I do correct is make deals and fuck. And your mother? She’s gonna get the best of both worlds. One sweet deal from me. And guess what I’m gonna do when I’m done fucking her up the ass?
TRUMP FAN: Do tell!
TRUMP: I’m gonna pull out of her like Obama from Iraq and cum all over your mother’s backside. How’s that sound? She is gonna be so covered in cum she’s gonna look like a New Orleans wedding cake in August.
TRUMP FAN: Now THAT’S the kind of straight shooting talk I like to hear. You got my vote, Donald.
TRUMP: Call me “Mr. Trump.”
TRUMP FAN: Yes, sir, Mr. Trump!
TRUMP FAN: What?
TRUMP: I am going to fuck your mother right up the ass. That’s what I’m going to do.
TRUMP FAN: Hey, I like your style. You’re a straight shooter!
TRUMP: Straight shooter? You don’t know the half of it. My cock is going to be a straight shooter when I cum up that bitch's ass. How’s that sound?
TRUMP FAN: That’s the kind of talk I LIKE to hear! None of that political crap we get from all those weak-kneed politicians.
TRUMP: And another thing you oughtta know, your mother is going to be screaming because I am huuuuuuuuuuuuge.
TRUMP FAN: You sure ain’t politically correct, are you?
TRUMP: The only thing I do correct is make deals and fuck. And your mother? She’s gonna get the best of both worlds. One sweet deal from me. And guess what I’m gonna do when I’m done fucking her up the ass?
TRUMP FAN: Do tell!
TRUMP: I’m gonna pull out of her like Obama from Iraq and cum all over your mother’s backside. How’s that sound? She is gonna be so covered in cum she’s gonna look like a New Orleans wedding cake in August.
TRUMP FAN: Now THAT’S the kind of straight shooting talk I like to hear. You got my vote, Donald.
TRUMP: Call me “Mr. Trump.”
TRUMP FAN: Yes, sir, Mr. Trump!
My favorite (late) SCOTUS Justice Antonin Scalia quote:
“In the Gospels, the devil is doing all sorts of things. He’s making pigs run off cliffs, he’s possessing people and whatnot. And that doesn’t happen very much anymore. It’s because he’s smart. What he’s doing now is getting people not to believe in him or in God. He’s much more successful that way. He got wilier.”
(Like a coyote, Anton?)
BILL
(Like a coyote, Anton?)
BILL
Tuesday, February 23, 2016
Why I Want Sylvester Stallone To Win The Oscar
I’m in Beverly Hills and I run I into Johnny Ola—no, wait, that’s Fredo’s story in “Godfather Part II.”
I’m in Beverly Hills circa 99 and I see Stallone across the street talking very briefly with two young men. I could read what happened next. After these two - shocked as hell that holy shit! it’s Sylvester Stallone! - were just about to leave, one of them clearly had asked “Can I shake your hand?” With nothing but warmth, graciousness and a smile to match, Stallone extended his hand, walked toward him and shook the young man’s hand before going on his way.
While a megastar, he still knew that doing this would mean the world to this guy and would be an anecdote he would never forget. Nor would a stranger across the street.
BILL
PS: Oh. And he’s fantastic in “Creed” and deserves the Oscar.
I’m in Beverly Hills circa 99 and I see Stallone across the street talking very briefly with two young men. I could read what happened next. After these two - shocked as hell that holy shit! it’s Sylvester Stallone! - were just about to leave, one of them clearly had asked “Can I shake your hand?” With nothing but warmth, graciousness and a smile to match, Stallone extended his hand, walked toward him and shook the young man’s hand before going on his way.
While a megastar, he still knew that doing this would mean the world to this guy and would be an anecdote he would never forget. Nor would a stranger across the street.
BILL
PS: Oh. And he’s fantastic in “Creed” and deserves the Oscar.
Monday, February 22, 2016
A Racist, A Sexist and a Bully Walk Into a Bar
Bartender looks up. “What can I get you, Mr. Trump?”
BILL
(Back from vacation...)
BILL
(Back from vacation...)
Friday, February 12, 2016
Non Vino Veritas
I think it would be hysterical if Donald Trump got completely wasted before a campaign rally and everything that subsequently came out of his mouth sounded – albeit slurred - mature, reasonable, intelligent, empathic and “presidential.”
BILL
BILL
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