Next time you attend a funeral, enter late from the rear of the church, haphazardly skipping up the center aisle toward the coffin at front, dragging your knuckles the entire way. When you reach the front, turn around, facing the congregation with lips pursed, swinging your arms up and down, one hand scratching the top of your head, the other your underarm, alternating back and forth, then start maniacally screeching “Ooh-aww!! Ooh-aww!! Ooh-aww!” (You really gotta sell it!) Then pull out a banana, quickly devour it, toss the peel into the open coffin and take a seat next to your ex. I did this at my Uncle Nestor’s funeral. Man, you should have seen the looks I got!
BILL
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